Om Namo Venkateswara

ॐ स्वस्ति 

Om Namo Narayanaya

The glories of the Lord are sung. He is the eternal master of the universe. What am I a mere limited tool of the Lord, this body is His abode. He shines and makes everything alive. He is alive in the vibrations that enliven this body. In His presence I realize the real from the unreal, this form is an instrument of His. I truly become alive in his presence. The power and the glory that he is, I am a mere image, a movie. He is the force. I surrender to Him. Please wash my Karmas. This body submerges into the divine ocean of love.Govinda! Govinda! Govinda!

Chapter 10: The Journey Continues to the Perfected One


Everything in creation is cyclical. I live with the mental comfort that: 1) This creation itself is an illusion, like a dream 2) Everything gets created, destroyed and created again, so why get stuck? 3) Everything is just happening and is taken care of by design, so why worry? Just go with the flow.

Enlightenment is a mystery. The concept originally came from the Vedas and doesn't exist in any other religion. Is it a mental and psychological modification? Yes I have experienced super natural things for which there is no scientific explanation. But I am not enlightened.

What is amazing that through our experiences we move from one mental illusion or delusion to the next. I have gained certain knowledge, had certain experiences, and these form certain ideas and concepts in my mind which in turn affect my judgement, perception, ideas, beliefs, assumptions, decisions, interpretations, everything. All these form my mental world which I live in, and believe that to be reality. Each one of us are living in our own bubbles of reality. Then, when I gain more knowledge, more experience - spiritual and practical, I build a new mental world for myself. I know people who have gained some spiritual knowledge and have had some spiritual experiences and they live in a delusion that they have reached somewhere. Intriguing. I also hear and meet a lot of spiritual people and spiritual teachers and in them I see things like ego, desires, anger, etc. Amazingly they don't see it in themselves. They are also in a state of delusion. Like that I am also in some delusion and move from one illusionary world to the next. What is reality? What is "normal"? What is the truth?

What's better is to be a good human being, imbibe virtues and values and live them every moment. Be aware of negativity and eliminate it using pranayama, awareness and wisdom. Be practical and skillful and compassionate with people and in the world. So I don't want to talk about knowledge nowadays, I want to live it. The amount of knowledge I have is the that which I live and practice. The rest is just what I have studied like we study in school. I have seen people talk the highest knowledge and not live the basics. What's the point? It's useless. Better to live the basics and let the highest knowledge dawn naturally, like the ripening of a fruit.

Life goes on and my pursuit of truth and happiness continues. In the end everything works out fine, it happened exactly as designed. This body will drop one day, who knows if I have a soul that will move on to another world and then come back in another body. The world will keep turning through the eras to come. Who knows what will happen to this universe. How does it really matter! Smile :) Be Happy!!

Chapter 9: Ah Bliss!


Through all pursuits we pursue happiness. Isn't that what we're all looking for? There is a Whitney Houston song, "Greatest Love", with the line, "I found the greatest love of all inside of me!". It is the same with happiness. Happiness is our nature that's why we want to get back to it, sadness isn't our nature that's why we want to get rid of it. I often repose in my self with this knowing and experience the source of bliss within.

Sometimes we seems so far from happiness, it is hard to imagine that it's our nature. So what is our true nature, negativity or something else? I read this today by Deepak Chopra in answer to a question:
"You said you have found your true self. When the real self is established, it is not concerned or bothered with extraneous thoughts. All negativity is recognized as foreign to its true nature, so there is no trying to get rid of negative thoughts, they fade away on their own out of neglect. If you aren’t attached to thoughts, then you disempower them—you unplug their energy and they stop."

I have been listening to a commentary on the Chandogya Upanishad. When I thought about writing on 'Happiness' a few months ago the very next chapter in the Upanishad, coincidently, happened to be on 'Happiness'! This Upanishad has three chapters on the nature of consciousness. There are three primary characteristics of "Atman", or soul, which are "Sat" (Existence), "Chit" (Consciousness) and "Anand" (Bliss or Happiness). If I may refer to the verse which talks about where to find this happiness that we are seeking:
"Yo vai bhuma tat sukham, nalpe sukham asti, bhumaiva sukham, bhuma tveva vijijnasitavya iti, bhumanam, bagavah, vijijnasa iti." (Chandogya Upanishad, Chapter 3, Section 23)

Translation by Swami Krishnanada: 
“Happiness is plenum, happiness is completeness, happiness is the totality, happiness is in the Absolute. The term 'Bhuma' used in this Upanishad is a novel word of its own kind which cannot be easily translated. It has a pregnant significance within itself which implies absoluteness in quantity as well as in quality, an uncontaminated character, permanency of every type, immortality, infinity and eternity. All these ideas are embedded in the very concept of what the Upanishad calls 'Bhuma'. Well, we can translate it in no other way than to call it the Absolute Being. The Brahman of all the Upanishads is the same as the Bhuma mentioned here in this Chhandogya Upanishad. That alone is happiness." And "Tat Tvam Asi," I am That (happiness).

"Nalpe sukham asti" - the finite things do not contain happiness.

When I heard this, I fell in love with this word "Bhuma". The sound and the feeling when I said it, the sense of expansion. The experience of this fullness within was so real and having tasted that, the transient happiness from the world seemed like a shadow. It is a great asset to know that I am happiness, that I don't have to depend on anything or anyone to be happy. Also if I'm unhappy I have caused it, not someone else, it's all internal. Unhappiness can come from reacting to something, and reacting actually comes due to attachment or desires from my opinions, ideas, seeking perfection, expectations, etc. Lack of compassion also causes reactions and unhappiness if you see. All this is finally do due to lapse of wisdom. Wise people are naturally equanimous and in bliss all the time. 

Like I'd mentioned I had thought of writing this chapter a few months ago when my life was hunky dory. Now, when I actually started writing this chapter, I'm going through one of the most difficult and stressful times in my life. My father has just passed away, I have started a new job, I am worried about my mother, my husband had surgery, we need to move homes, wind up my mom's home, move her here, and am anxious about it all working out!

So I'm writing a chapter on "happiness" at an "unhappy" time in my life!

My dad's passing has been a soul searching experience because everything that I believe in is being tested, like "the soul is eternal" and "death is like changing clothes". It is also test to see how I react to my father's passing. If I have the wisdom manifested within I will be unperturbed inside, and still be in touch with my true nature which is bliss. On the outside it has been stressful with so many things happening at the same time. I am so glad that I've invested in yoga, pranayama, Sudarshan Kriya, and meditation. They are a real savior in trouble times. But I'm still searching for that happiness.

So what do we mean by "happiness". A lot of people associate the word happiness with an emotional state that is usually associated with pleasure and comfort. But this is temporary, and happens when something "good" happens. There is nothing wrong with that happiness either, but usually it goes away also, it's a matter of time, and then we're looking for happiness again, chasing a mirage. So it is not this emotional elation we feel, absolute happiness can't be an emotion. We can buy a car, house, a vacation and so many other things which give us momentary happiness, but true happiness can't be bought at any cost. Temporary happiness comes from fulfilled desires, thinking about me, I and mine, and eventually leaves us looking for permanent happiness. I see a lot of people who seems happy, but most people become unhappy at the loss of a family member, or loss of job/wealth/fame/power, or when diagnosed with a disease. 

Most of us think of happiness as the opposite of unhappiness. Some say that unless you know deep sorrow you cannot know happiness. I am not talking about this pair of opposites, happiness-unhappiness. How can something that comes and goes be true happiness? No. I am referring to bliss, which is beyond the duality of happiness-unhappiness. Haven't counted how many time Sri Krishna mentions being free of 'Sukha-Dukha' (happiness-unhappiness) duality in the Bhagavad Gita. The nature of Atma (soul) is bliss. When we seek happiness we are actually seeking the substratum of our existence - which is bliss. 

The more we are established in this bliss that is permanent, unmoving, and unchanging, we will not be brutally thrashed by our ups and downs of emotions and battered by events and situations, or react to people. 

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says to be happy in the "now", not to postpone happiness. How often are we happy right now, without wanting something or waiting for something to happen in the future? How often is our happiness without conditions, "When this happens...", "When I have this...", etc.? How often are we in touch with that bliss inside, without a desire being fulfilled? True happiness is unconditional. Standing on top of a mountain, looking out at the vastness, or being in the open ocean and feeling that expanse, with arms open wide and the wind blowing on my face, ah! Bliss! 


How often can we overcome challenges without becoming unhappy? We can have emotions of sadness at the loss of our father, for example, but still stay unmoved inside, balanced, equanimous. This comes from being established in the Self and from the wisdom that within I remain untouched. Are we in touch with a different quality of happiness in the core of our being which is bliss? Or is it heavily covered with our mind, emotions and existence. Rarely are we in touch with our Self. Like an ocean, there is turbulence on the surface but as you dive deep into the ocean there is only calm, serenity, silence.

The causes of misery are many, I know them, they are stated in the scriptures as ignorance, ego, desires, aversions, and fear. The solutions for happiness are few, so let me seek them. Better than fighting the darkness is to light a candle. H. H. Dalai Lama says from "I want happiness," remove the "I" (ego), the "want" (desire) and you will be left with "happiness". The Vedas say that the true nature of the soul is "Existence", "Consciousness", and "Bliss". So how to know this is what I am?! Certainly a relief to know that I am not this angry, impatient, imperfect mass of flesh! But how be established in that bliss that I supposedly am? How to be happy? I gave it some thought and realized that I need to be dispassionate and compassionate - at the same time. This bliss is very close to the quality of unconditional compassion and devotion.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna mentions that one who has discipline and control over his senses and mind is a happy person. Sri Krishna also says that a disintegrated, undisciplined person cannot gain clarity of knowledge about Truth and therefore cannot contemplate or meditate. A person who can't meditate can't experience peace, he will remain restless. How can a restless person be happy?

In the 6th chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna, talks about meditation and the happiness gained from it. That bliss is not of and cannot be experienced by the body, senses or the mind, it is beyond that.

Meditation brings me in touch with the core of my existence. There's a feeling of elevation. I don't know what it is, if it's just an experience or is it's for real, but it feels so good, deeply relaxing. I feel like I've come home and happily resting, I can let go and relax. This ah! feeling you know...an expansion. I feel a calm peaceful bliss permeating and expanding from my heart. This presence is much larger...beyond my physical existence. Don't know exactly how to explain it. It's like a rose and it's fragrance. This fragrance is the essence of the rose, it spreads much farther than the rose and cannot be seen. Being in touch with that essence, that fragrance, transcends the rose, the physical body. And that fragrance is this bliss I'm talking about. That calm sweet tender joyful fullness! In this fullness all desires have succumbed and there are no pestering thoughts. See it's much easier to extract the fragrance of bliss from the rose within than to obtain bliss from the harsh world outside.

Swami Tejomayananda (Chinmaya Mission) has something very intriguing in his 'Tips for Happy Living'. He says that when there is no integration between mind, intellect and sense organs then we can't be happy. Our intellect has a conviction for what is right, but our mind has it's own temptations and cravings, and then the senses are extroverted and disintegrates the will further. Also, he says, there should be oneness in thoughts, words and deeds. A lot of times we think one thing, say another and do something completely different. How can we be happy with ourselves if these don't line up? There should be sweetness in our thoughts and this should flow to our words, and then spread sweetness through our actions - this will bring happiness to oneself and others. It starts from the source, the core of our being, the most subtle aspect, and it is all bliss.

How can bliss come from anything temporary? Yet all our desires are for temporary things, and unhappiness is also from transient events. Then happiness and unhappiness is temporary as well. Nothing that changes can be called absolute truth or absolutely real. The cause of desires is ignorance, the attachment to this physical existence. That's why I said this bliss has to be devoid of desires, that is dispassion, and dispassion is not dry or empty it is full of compassion. Bliss can only be regained, rediscovered, uncovered from the realization of our true nature, which is eternal bliss. Let me take it for granted till I shed this ignorance. Let me meditate and get in touch with it again and again... 

"The bliss the scriptures are talking about cannot be induced artificially because it is not related to the physical or the mental or even the intellectual plane. In fact, one cannot do anything to bring it about. One just prepares oneself and awaits its happening as a realization. It is not a 'state'. One becomes of the nature of bliss." -Sri Ananadamayi Ma

The journey of life is to go from the head to the spiritual heart. Even though I earnestly seek liberation, let me take it for granted that I am a reflection of that free Self. The grand design is making everything happen. Like sunrise and sunset, this creation is moving from creation towards dissolution only to be created again. My current understanding of myself as being a limited being, a spec in the grand scheme of things is an incomplete understanding. I am the Absolute-being, the Brahman, whose dream is this creation. I AM! Who knows if all this is true, and will I ever know. Let me work on being happy, imbibe good virtues and values to be a good human being. Let me implement what I know and live from my heart. This life, people, this world, and all of creation is an amazing mystery. My mind and my perceptions creates my reality. This mind goes from one understand about life and the world to another, it keeps evolving and changing. Feels like we reject a previous understanding like a delusion and create a new delusional view. The mind creates worlds within worlds, but when I transcend the mind, through meditation, I feel permanence. There is something that is permanent... On a few occasions in life I have seen this life as a dream.

Chapter 8: Compassion makes me human


When I think of compassion and unconditional love, the person who exemplifies it in my life is my mother. For me my mother is a living goddess, Devi Lakshmi, the epitome of compassion. It isn't possible to put her love in words, let it be in my heart, it is too sacred to be written. There is unconditional unbound love for my mother and for my sons! How can I express? Compassion also emanates from the unconditional love that we are. It is compassion and kindness that makes us human. There is no point in being supposedly spiritual and not being compassionate. Those who are compassionate are spiritual in practice.

Life flows through the heart. It cascades like a water fall through all the other faculties needed. This life force utilizes the mind and intellect as and when needed and has access to infinite knowledge and intuition. This flow of the river of life expands outwards infinitely as Compassion. I feel it radiating like ripples from my heart.

If I live from my mind and intellect then this life force doesn't flow. I'm stuck in my head and in my ego, and thoughts veil the heart. I have used so much intellect in my life that now I need to turn the switch. To understand Hindu scriptures requires a lot of intellect, however when spiritual knowledge dawns it purifies the intellect! There is so much Rasa in these Hindu texts. Rasa loosing translates to divine nectar. It is not like science where everything is an object, everything is cut and dry in Hinduism everything is alive, the whole creation is a living organism. All Hindu scriptures are written as poems and sung in various rhythms, and there's that heart aspect to it, so that the knowledge has both the intellectual aspect (left brain) and the creative aspect (right brain).

For someone like me who's existence is focused so much within, it's important to bring balance by being awareness about the outside. There needs to be this balance inside and outside. As I was telling my son, inside you need to feel freedom, devotion and compassion; outside you need to be energetic, dynamic, and skillful. I have spent lifetimes with the journey inward. Our Hindu scriptures talk so much about turning inward and focus  a lot on the individual, this has made me disconnect somewhat from the world. Now that I focus on the outside world I realize there's a lot to learn!

I need to express my compassion, which I take for granted I already have, or I am. Only this can overcome a lot of my short comings in dealing with people, in overcoming my anger, etc. Now that I am bringing attention and awareness in engaging with people and situations it's bringing so much knowledge and happiness. It makes me see the live force within others. If only each one could only see this life force within all and the same life force everywhere, it will do away with so much conflict and hatred. Compassion has made me happy as it has improved my relationships.

What I project is exactly what gets reflected back to me. Even a hint of negativity comes back to me as conflict. When compassion flows to the other then the other person also responds in peace with love. Amazing!
So I need to live, act and speak from the heart, all the time. See like I tell my, "Do this, do this, do this. You didn't do this. Have you done this? Why didn't you do this?". So much in the head, focused on what needs to be done, that everything needs to be perfect, not letting go. So his reaction also reacts from the head, heartlessly. And if I move from the heart, speak with love and sweetness, "Beta (son) did you do this? Can you please do this? I know you must be tired, so much to do and remember. But you're so much better, you're such a wonderful son. Love you! :-)". Then he also responds with so much love, wow! And there is a connection!! Our hearts are bonded! Rajshree (an Art of Living teacher) told me once that I need to work on connecting with people. She said, "You need to do that nu-nu na-na with people". Meaning I got to be nurturing, caring and spoiling people with my love, like a woman, a mother, a wife, should be. I'm working on it...
I am so focused on knowledge, on being perfect, on content (as Rajshree said). But see knowledge is embedded in compassion!

So much anger comes in seeing imperfection in people and situations, make one imperfect in the process, isn't it? So much conflict comes in seeing right and wrong in people, their opinions, their actions. Compassion is more important that right or wrong. Like Rumi writes: "Out beyond the field of wrong doing and right doing there is a field, I'll meet you there." With compassion it's possible to bring about change in the imperfect without resistance, reaction and conflict. Isn't it?

Compassion is needed because people are imperfect, even the most cruel and evil person. To see through their imperfections and see that human within who is just like me. I am also imperfect yet I still love my inner core which is perfect, knowing this brings compassion for myself and others. When that tenderness comes in the heart I will see just that pulsating life in everyone and realize we are all the same. The more compassion I have the more humanness I see in the other person, their ignorance, imperfection and negativity as their suffering so how can I react to them. To the level I am centered in compassion, to that level I am comfortable with imperfections in people and situations. That brings peace of mind, that brings happiness, that brings freedom. Sri Sarada Devi (wife of Ramakrishna Paramahansa), an enlightened being, also called the Holy Mother by her disciples, was an embodiment of compassion and love of a mother. Her last words were: "I tell you one thing. If you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather see your own faults. Learn to make the whole world your own. No one is a stranger, my child; the whole world is your own."

If only I could love everyone as One, as a small mirrors reflecting the same creator. Love has meaning when I love the life in the other, otherwise it's just an emotion. What beauty this love has! It's ability to connect with every heart instantly without a spoken word, just an immense presence, a flood of sweet nectar. With this love and compassion I break free from this cage and I find I can bring so many smiles, so much happiness, light up someone's eyes, just by the mere presence of this compassion! In each eye I see, it's me, it's me, it's me everywhere! Like a light among lights, a drop among drops of this ocean. My heart speaks the language of love, each cell brimming with ecstasy! Only with love does life become a song, only with this song does life become a dance! I dance in this imperfect world - untouched! I smile, I see life everywhere like an ocean, our bodies just shells, with life within and life without. I am always at home!

Compassion should be the foundation on which the pillars of knowledge are built. Love should be the basis of all expressions of existence. Established in compassion one should have dispassion. With these two it brings out the best skill in dealing with problematic people and situations.

Compassion doesn't mean accepting injustice from others. Krishna tell Arjuna that it's your Dharma (duty) to fight for justice and it's Adharma (unrighteous) to take injustice, in fact stupid, and very few people realize this.

Only from compassion can come service to others, only with compassion can one forgive.It is compassion and love that dissolves the ego and bring humility. Compassion is the fountainhead of all other virtues. Buddha embodied compassion and the Dalai Lama speaks so much on it. Jesus was the messenger of love. Krishna embodied divine love. The basis, the fabric, the essence of all spiritual-religious traditions is love and compassion. Love like Existence and Consciousness are the substratum of existence, if established in one the other two come along like three legs of a stool. God created love equally in all humans, universally, unlike intellect which He distributed differently. Therefore from an illiterate pleasant to the President of a country, each one has the same love even though the expressions may differ.

Compassion has also opened me to receiving from others, got me listening to others. When I'm so caught up within it cuts people out, I'm not so sensible and sensitive to others. It is compassion that has melted my own concepts and opinions, I listen to others more and accept others just the way they are, with a smile. However; acceptance is within, doesn't mean I accept negative people and not do anything. No! I am still dynamic in action. First accept the fact that someone doing or saying something immoral / unethical and then so something about it. This is one of the points in the Art of Living course also.

Showing compassion to others should come with dispassion. Those who are sensitive and get so involved in helping someone else in a problem, get entangled and drown themselves. It is good to help someone but also maintain a distance within. Like a doctor who cares for a patient without becoming emotionally involved or miserable himself. At another level of understanding it is good to know that suffering comes from a person's own ignorance and past Karma. So while caring for others is one's Dharma, also remember that this is all a play of Karma.

The knowledge I practice is the knowledge I have gained the rest is still in theory which I'm still working on imbibing. Knowledge in practice are virtues and values. Krishna lists twenty values in the thirteenth chapter of the Gita, and in the sixteenth chapter how these manifest as traits of a noble person These are prerequisites to spiritual seeking. So one should live this knowledge as values, this will automatically make one spiritual. If values are like the beads, love and compassion is the thread, and this necklace once woven is adorned by the Self.

In a world that is becoming so oriented towards technology and so busy, where life is getting so complex and values seem to be degenerating, let me, let us, revive this compassion. Compassion is simple, natural and universal! It will lead to happiness...

Chapter 7: Dear Son


Unconditional love flows naturally towards parents and children. No matter how they are, I love them dearly. I want them to be happy from the bottom of my heart. I would do anything for them. The only people I have a right and a duty to be an adviser and a guide to are my children. Whatever I say to them, whether I scold them, or say "No" to them, is for their good, without being afraid of being disliked, because unconditional love is always about the other person. I just want to hug my son and tell him I love so much! I want to write a letter to my son, something that will be with him whenever he needs me, even after I am no more...

Dear Son,

21 years ago in a hospital room in Chicago you came into this world! It was Sharad Purnima, full moon night, and your face was as beautiful as the full moon... I am so grateful to Krishna that on Sharad Purnima he gave me such a tender loving soul. Your name maybe Varun but for me you are Chaitanya. Love you dearest one. You're a part of my soul!

I have known you longer than anyone else, from the time you were in my womb. I know who you are, your essence, I know you to the core! You are a wonderful, gentle, loving human being, with a beautiful heart! Remember this. In a lot of ways you are wiser than me, better in the ways of the world and in dealing with people.

The only thing I would say to you is "BE HAPPY!". That's the only thing that matters, everything else will come and go and doesn't matter. We can get over every hurdle, we can live past every challenge, every problem, every pain. Keep your mind free! Be simple and natural. Happiness comes from being simple and natural.

Don't be caught up in the web of your mind. Be yourself. All philosophies finally give you this message. So don't get tangled in so much deep thinking that you loose yourself into delusions and illusions. And no matter how much the mind fabricates, intellectualizes and convinces, remember you are not the mind! The mind is like mist, the warmth of the heart is like the sun, when it dawns the mist disappears, the veil lifts and you see your true self. So live from your heart, and the heart is not complicated like the mind. Your mind especially is very complex and puts so many labels on yourself. I know who you are, trust me. Drop the mind when reflecting within, use your mind for working in the world.

When you are unhappy, sad, it is because you are focusing on yourself. Make someone happy, keep your focus on serving others. Remember to be compassionate and live your life for others. In changing times, this is the only wealth you'll have. And when you make others happy you will find fulfillment and misery will disappear. Just go and volunteer in a soup kitchen for example, you will find instant upliftment, so many energy will come to you, and you will feel so happy. When you are low, negative, when you're feeling down, or have a sinking feeling, don't fight the darkness, light a candle.

What I tell you are also things I need to work on myself. So it is also my own realization on what needs improvement, like compassion. It's just about compassion beta. It is compassion that makes us human. Otherwise we are just a piece of flesh with an ego. These are the simple values to live by, no need for complicated philosophies. All other virtues flows from compassion I think. The closer a person is to you, the more negativities you will see in them. You need to love people not because of what they are but inspite of what they are. Take it for granted that you are compassionate, that you ARE compassion. Ice melts to become water again, vapor condenses back to water, water always returns to it's natural state, so to return to your compassionate and happy self, it's your natural state! You know it, you have tasted it. How to go back to it? Just relax, rest, reflect, let go...and  see. Nature will make you flow back to this state.

Compassion starts with yourself, be kind to yourself. Be full with love and respect for the divine form that you are. Others can love you only as much as you love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Repeat this mantra, "God loves me, my parents love me, I am a divine being in human form, I am love, peace, bliss".

Only compassion evaporates the ego in all it's forms. Only love dispels all delusions, illusions and impressions of the mind. It is love that drops you from the head to the heart, to the seat of the soul.
Remember a compassionate heart is not weak. It is like blazing fire. It is the will of the Lord. It's brilliance is that of a thousand suns and darkness dare not come near it. Be strong yet sensitive, like a powerful yet compassionate king who will serve his people but will also raise arms to defend his kingdom and himself. In fact only love can bring true lasting strength, because it is the only thing which is one pointed without conflict or ego. Have that unwavering, love within. It is a conviction of the self.

While feeling free inside (Mukti) and knowing that you are love (Bhakti) balance it equally when engaging outside. For the outside you need two main things, strength/energy/dynamism (Shakti) and skill in dealing with people and situations (Yukti). So one needs to be practical and excel in the world also, it's absolutely necessary to have equal balance inside and outside, between the ideal and real, between theoretical and practical, between knowledge and action.
For action one needs energy. Being lazy in the mind can be instantly removed by raising your energy level. Do some physical exercises also in addition to Pranayamas and meditation. You eat healthy food already so that is another source of energy. I look at your room as a reflection of the state of your mind. If your room is clean and organized I know you are in a good frame of mind. You just need to develop strength of mind using your will, sharp intellect and all of the above. You already have good awareness and skill in dealing with people. Keep learning people skills from personalities who have to deal with a lot of people. Improve your communication skills, respond and keep in touch with people. The most important thing is see things from the other person's perspective, then you will respond appropriately.

With regards to inside and outside, don't look for perfection in the world outside. Your inner core is perfect and be with that perfection in the soul. You are looking for a job after you graduate, remember, you will never find a perfect job, or a perfect company, or a perfect boss. You are also not going to be the perfect employee. In life nothing will be 10/10, at most they will be 8 out of 10. You decide what 8 are important to you. Take interest in your job, keep your commitment to your company and job. Do your duty it is more important than short term happiness. Remember that those who have employed you are also human beings like you, don't betray them. Don't quit a job in haste because you think it's not ideal. The next job may be worse than the one you left. First few jobs are going to be trivial. Be patient, persistent, and consistent. If you are is consistency then intelligence and ideas will bear fruit. So you need to sustain whatever you undertake. You do your best and do justice to your job to satisfying yourself.

The fastest way to become unhappy and lose hope is too look for perfection in the world. To the level you are comfortable with imperfect people, imperfections at work, imperfections in the whole world - to that level you have matured as a human being. How? With compassion n skill. Hug imperfection with dispassion! Only intentions can be perfect not actions. You need to work on making imperfect things better, so keep your focus on what you want to do and do your best. Not just talk, the world looks at your achievements and so do you. Remember give your 100% and never even think about the result, let alone being driven by the outcome of your efforts. Your expectations for the results will in fact suffocate your efforts and give you a lot of stress. You will never regret any loss if you have put in your 100% but will regret if you have not put in your 100%. Haven't you experienced this? Then why suffer?

Be strong and self confident. How to develop self confidence? Firstly don't listen to the opinion of others, including your parents. I have said so many things to you also, but drop them and move on. Never take anyone's negativity seriously, close the shutters when it comes your way, because their negativity will go away and it will stay in you. So it's better you shun others negativity with strength and dispassion. You have also been angry and opinionated about others. Do you hold on to that? Yet they may remember what you said. Everyone is equally good and bad. We are all in the same boat. You also have opinions about others. Just like you give your opinion about others, sometimes lightly and forget, so do others. Don't hang on to what others think about you. If they dislike you it's their bad Karma. You do your Karma.

The other thing about self confidence is to be proud of your achievements, and respect your virtues, they are God's virtues in you. Inside u is an eternal light, a living pulsating consciousness, gentle love and soothing grace. Bask in its abundance. You often count all your short comings, but never the your great qualities and achievements. So be positive in your outlook.. How? Keep your energy high and you will automatically be in a positive mindset. You also need to train the mind, over and over again. Your mind is like a wild horse you need to train it, then ride it and keep a tight check on it like rein on a horse.

Compare yourself with those who are lesser than you, only to boost your confidence, not to become arrogant! I look around and realize that you have done so much more than others and are such a beautiful human being!

Why are you so tough on yourself? Treat yourself like you would treat your beloved. Be forgiving to yourself but learn from your mistakes. In fact if you don't forgive yourself you will do the same mistake over and over again. You will be driven by guilt into a vicious loop of  self blame, negativity and these impressions will drive you to further mistakes. So accept your mistakes with kindness to yourself and with strength, resolve and train the mind to make the right choices. Remember the consequences of your mistakes. It takes discipline, toughness, self effort, will power and remembering the consequences of past mistakes to say "NO!" to yourself, to stop yourself from making further mistakes. You have tremendous strength and will power, I have seen it, use that sword to cut the laziness in your mind.

You can also develop strength and foster your self confidence by making small commitments, "Today I will....". Take small steps, don't try to overhaul yourself with unconventional methods or swing from one end to the other. Remember your parents when you feel dis-balanced to re-center yourself. Ask yourself, what would my parents think if I did this, or what would my parents have done in my situation?

Weak people hang out with weak people, don't do that. Misery seeks company. Those who are unhappy, confused, not doing too well in life, or escaping from facing the tough world, will not give you any strength, confidence or inspiration. Without intimidation, make friends with and be in company of the strong, wise, successful and conventional people. They will take you upward. The company you keep has a huge influence on you.

Bow down, do Pranaam, to Bhagawan (God) every day. If you can have a puja place (shrine) where you can have a few sacred moments, close your eyes and pray. Then touch the feet of the Lord, bowing the head. This brings a tremendous amount of humility, reverence and kindles that divinity within us. When love is directed to the divine it will be ever pure and free of pain. It is the only love worth living for. Emotional love is a mirage, do not chase it, it will lead you astray and leave you thirsty and weak. In relationships always have compassion without attachment, even with your lady love, your children, and your parents.
Our scriptures say : worship your mother as God, worship your father as God, worship your Guru as God, and worship your guest as God. If you have this attitude, willingly, you will receive a tremendous amount of love and blessings in your live always.
You must read the Bhagavad Gita - it has everything you need. The first chapter is Arjun in despair, sometimes you have also been in the same state. Krishna gives such a strong message in the next few chapters. Now that you are entering the Karma yoga phase of your life, which is the grahasta ashram, where you do work in the world and raise a family, these chapters will serve you well.

So much wisdom! Oh my God! You must be overwhelmed reading it! Take it lightly and just have fun this life time. We think we have to do this and that, but should we be so serious about life and try to control it? One day when Papa and I were walking we saw a father pushing his son's toy bike from behind, the boy was busy peddling but the peddles were not connected to the wheels! Just like that we are busy peddling through life, but really it's God pushing our bike from behind, He is taking us through this "World's Carnival", and though we should keep peddling, we should just smile and enjoy!

Always remember one thing, your parents love you no matter what. Doesn't matter sometimes we scold you, but you must confide in us. We are the only ones in the world who truly care about what's best for you. Know that you can take us for granted, you can be with us, this will always be your home no matter how far you may go in the world or how long you are away. Family is always family, others come and go. I am always there for you my dearest one!

With love,
Your Mama

Chapter 6: O Krishna! Giridhari! 


The only reason I am human is to experience this devotion. Liberation I can gain even after I leave the body! Like sweetness is to sugar, devotion is to me. Nothing exists in this world for me except for my beloved Krishna! The moment I remember Him, His presence is with me. My yearning becomes devotion, my conversations become poetry, our union becomes bliss. Those who have experienced will know, for those who haven't, I can't explain! Fortunate are those who in human birth have felt this devotion for the Lord!

The most brilliant expression of consciousness is devotion. God created a mirror to see His love, the reflection was the a beautiful maiden brimming with devotion. In this divine love God embedded the highest wisdom, an essence of Himself. Devotion is an intense longing for the beloved. Devotion is the urge to merge with the divine. Devotion is an intoxication with the nectar of divine love, the cup of the heart overflowing with bliss. Without the juice of devotion all knowledge, all sadhana (spiritual practices) are dead and dry like saw dust.

Love seeks devotion, devotion seeks bliss.
All my desires for love from others is actually seeking divine love. Wanting love from others suffocates. That desire for the perfect love, for an unlimited love, for the unconditional love, to fill an emptiness within, to quench an unending thirst, is like chasing a mirage for water. People are not perfect, their love is not unconditional. I end up only with tears, heartaches and deep sadness. When I realize that the love that I seek is the love of the divine, suddenly there is freedom, expansion, relief, and a smile on my face! That emptiness inside is filled instantly with sweet love, I want to love Him endlessly, no matter how much I try to express my love for Him it is incomplete. That strong urge for His presence, that pleading and prayer, my soul cries, "Oh Krishna! Be with me! Come to me! Govind! Govind!! Govind!!!" Tears of love and yearning roll down my face...

When I was a little girl in Delhi I went with my family to a exhibition of Krishna's paintings, I think it might have been by Hare Rama Hare Krishna organization. I still remember looking at a painting of Krishna stealing butter from a pot and I was so mesmerized that I got lost completely in Him and forgot everything around me. My parents left the hall and were about to leave when they realized I was not with them. They came looking for me and found me starring into the painting! Krishna is my best friend, he is always with me.

I remember when we were in Zambia, we had just returned from a trip to India and my mother had bought a sandalwood statue of Krishna as a gift. I still vividly remember the day when I said to my mother that I would like to keep that statue and not give it to anyone. I must be around 12. I used to hold that Krishna statue in my hand, put on Krishna bhajans, sing and dance with Him. One day in my room He looked so alive in the statue, I asked Him, "is it You?", "If it's you then make your shadow disappear" and it did. So innocent, pure and beautiful where those moments that I shared with Krishna as a little girl. Inside me in a sacred space there is that little girl who lives inside Krishna and within whom there is only Krishna. Whenever I am in deep despair I hold his statue close to my heart and cry, put him on my pillow and sleep.


Each one of us is natural lover, it is the easiest thing to be...
Each one of us attempts to express it differently, but love cannot be expressed...
Each one of us has a definition of love, at different times, for different people, but love cannot be defined...
Each one of us loves someone or something, so deeply, so passionately, but love cannot be found...Where are you, my love, whom I seek and for whom my soul cries, since eons I have longed for you...O my beloved quench this thrist so I may merge with you and be One and Whole! So that there is non other than you in all creation and I will merge with I and roam free and high! Till then I sing in a trance of love... Till then I dance in a play of love. The angels envy, I am here in your company, and experience the colors of love in ecstacy!


At the pinnacle of devotion is liberation
At the pinnacle of knowledge is Divine Love
In Divine Love knowledge is inherent
Without love knowledge is meaningless....


For a devotee this duality is a play, devotion or divine love needs an external God, but in divine love, in bliss and ecstacy the devotee merges into the divine and becomes One. For a Gyani there is no duality - he knows he is God - Aham Brahmasmi. No matter what the path the journey ends in Oneness and one realizes that He is Love, He is Knowledge. 

Raas Leela of Krsna and the Gopis the eternal cosmic celebration...the dance of duality. Krishna is mine only mine! I am dissolving in devotion....merging into my charming Krsna...oh! I am drunk with this bliss! ..and in the height of this ecstacy i become unconscious, nothing remains just His cool divine loving presence :) leave me here I am satisfied, I am finally at rest, my heart at home...


The mind drops to the heart becomes meditation...
The heart longs, oh! my beloved, blossoms into devotion...
These tears of devotion... become precious pearls...
In the dance of trance unbecome...merge...transend...

The sage Narad in his Bhakti Sutras - The Aphorisms of Love explains the nine forms of devotion:

1. Sravaam listening to Bhagavat Katha or glories of the Lord.
2. Kīrtanam singing God’s glories.
3. Smaraam remembering HIM in our minds.
4. Pādasevanam. serving the Lotus Feet of the Lord.
5. Arcanam which is worshipping the idol form of God.
6. Vandanam – paying obeisance to HIM by detaching himself from other distractions and offers his undivided attention.
7. Dāsyam in which the devotee considers himself as a humble servant of the Lord and is ever ready to serve HIM without the slightest idea of receiving anything in return.
8. Sākhyam In this kind of devotion the devotee reaches to that height or level whereupon he starts considering the Lord as his friend.
9. Atmanivedanam in which the devotee offers himself completely to God thinking whatever God does is right.

Around the 15th century there was a burst of devotion on earth with Sufis and Hindu saints singing love poems for the divine. Buddha was was wise, enlightened and complete. Devotional saints Chaitanya and Meera experienced ecstasy, danced, sang and they were also enlightened and complete. They experienced the highest state of devotion, "What am I without You?". This body is capable of both wisdom and devotion. Devotion is not to be explained or understood, devotion is a poem to be sung! 


Meera Bai

Meera bai epitomizes Bhakti (devotion). Her unwavering love for her Krishna was the most beautiful, even Krishna would helplessly be drawn to her. Her conversations with Krishna, came out as love poems Bhajans, and are remembered even today. For a devotee all love songs are bhajans (devotion songs) and all bhajans are love songs. She did not want to get married but was married to Rajasthani Mewar prince Bhoj Raj when she was 13. She was not interested in married life, for her no one existed except Krishna. Her husband was a nice person, he built Meera a temple for her Krishna. He died a few years after the their marriage in war. Meera's father-in-law liked and protected Meera. After he died Meera's older brother-in-law and other in-laws were very unjust to Meera and tortured her. She was also a rebel and an unconventional woman. She never let go of devotion for Krishna not matter how much anyone tried. In the bleakest time of her life when her in-laws rebuked her and her own family didn't want her back is when she sang the bhajan, "Mere to Giridhar Gopal dusaro na koi". I don't know why her life was full of so much misery. Finally she decided to leave her in-laws, one night she left the fort of Chittaur with deep pain in her heart, "Why don't they understand why I love Him so much?" For many days hungry and thirty she traveled through the desert. She spent sometime in the home town of Krishna, Mathura and Vrindavan. She always wanted to find a Guru and gain knowledge. Saint Chaitanya's disciple in Mathura refused to initiate her into meditation saying that she was a woman. To him she said, "I thought the only male in this universe is Krishna, the rest female". She then went to Varanasi and was initiated by Saint Tulsidas. It was after this she sang, "Payoji maine Naam ratan dhan payo. Vastu amolik di mere Sat Guru, kiripa kar apanayo". "Naam" is when a disciple is given the meditation mantra from their Guru. She finally went to Krishna's kingdom, Dwarka in Gujarat. Her youngest brother-in-law, Udai, had now built a new capital, Udaipur, with beautiful palaces and wanted Meera bai to come back. He sent a few people to Dwarka to convince her. She was so happy in Dwarka and didn't want to go back. At night she entered the Dwarka Deesh mandir and in her supreme glory, her one-pointed devotion for Krishna and intense longing to unite with him, she did, all that was there was light, no matter. When the priests went in to look for her all they found were her garments. She left when she was around 50. 

If you asked me to choose between this love and knowledge, I would choose love. Knowledge seems so cold, dry and pales in comparison with the love song, dance and celebration with the divine! Meditation? Come feel this ecstasy, the elation, the bliss when a lover merges with the beloved. It is electrifying. This too is samadhi -  a sweet samadhi - not that emptiness. 
Meera reads the love of Radha and Krishna in the Geet Govind:

Kabir

I love another saint of the 15th century, Kabir. He wrote such simple yet wise poems which spur an individual to look for a deeper meaning to life. Here is one of my favorite poems of sant Kabir:

Sufis
Sufism is a devotional mystical dimension of Islam. Sufi poems and music is so close to my heart. I wish that this would once again evolve in the Muslim culture. The wisdom that is embedded in the love poems of the Sufis is the most beautiful and heart moving. There are so many old Sufi poems and contemporary Sufi songs that I listen to. Rumi is one of the most revered Sufi saints, known for his mystic style. Rumi's poems elegantly and consistently touch our inner being and inspire us to go beyond our limitations towards the Divine. Rumi believed in the religion of love. Here is one the Rumi poems I like:

I love a contemporary Sufi singer, Abida Parveen. She is like a Sufi herself, see her immerse herself and sing as though in a trance.

Krishna expounds Bhakti to Arjun in the Bhagavad Gita Chapter 12. Krishna talks about a ladder of Bhakti. Doing each action as an offering in a Puja (prayer) to the divine is Karma Yoga. Taking what comes as Prasaad (God's offering). A Swamiji explained Karma Phal (fruits of actions) so well - he said Karma Phal is a technical term which means drop the worries and anxieties for the future. Keep your mind in the present, action is done in the present. If the mind is free from worries, anxieties then it is calmer and more focused and less dissipated to act. Worrying about the future takes away so much energy of the mind. When Vasanas are 80% then drop the worries. They become 60% then do Karma Yoga, the mind and Vasanas get more purified. Then at 40% do Abyasa, practice, to bring back the wandering mind again and again. I think for that Pranayama and focus on breath is good. Then when 20% Vasanas are there mind can be purified through meditation, contemplation. Then Krishna explains that knowledge is more important than abyasa, meditation more important than knowledge. The highest form of devotion being meditation on the formless, cosmic consciousness.  And renouncing the fruits of action more important than meditation. Peace immediately follows. This is the ladder of Bhakti. 

Devotion is a shadow of the Self. This devotee is nothing but You, this love I feel inside is nothing but You, this longing for You is nothing but You, this offering is nothing but You, You are the goal, it's all You oh Lord! Bhakti is like a Yagya. 
Brahma arpanam Brahma havir
Bramha agnou Bramhan ahutham
Brahmeva thena ghantavyam
Bramha Karma Samadina" --Bhagavad Gita 4.24

Brahman is the process of giving, that which is being offered is also Brahman; by Brahman (me) it is offered into Brahman and united.

Brahman is to be attained by seeing Brahman in all actions.

There are different stages a devotee evolves through. First there is a need for a form, as the heart fills and mind only in Him the devotee sees the divine in all forms and everywhere. The devotee then sees the divine as the essence behind all of creation and worships Him as the formless. As the devotee merges and dissolves he becomes one with the divine. This is the ultimate knowledge, and at the climax of devotion there is only this ultimate truth of Oneness. 


Devotion is unconditional love between me and the divine and at the peak of devotion, the merging into the divine one becomes unconditional love, bliss. In my life I have experienced this devotion and this unconditional love with my mother, my son and my Guru.

Chapter 5 : God, Guru and Self are synonymous

Chitram Vata tharor mole, vruddha Sishya, Guror Yuva, Gurostu mounam vykhyanam, Sishyasthu china samsaya
It is strange to see, The very old disciples, And the very young teacher, Who sit under a banyan tree, With the teacher always observing silence, And the students getting all the doubts cleared.
Om nama pranavarthaya, Suddha jnanaika moorthaye nama, Nirmalaya prasanthaya, Sri Dakshinamurthaye nama.
Salutations to that Dakshinamurthy, Who is the meaning of the pranava, “om”, Who is the personification of unalloyed wisdom, Who is crystal clear in his thought, And who is the epitome of peace.
Gurave sarva lokaanam, Bishaje bhava roginaam, Nidhaye sarva vidhyanam, Sri Dakshinamurthaye nama.
Salutations to that Dakshinamurthy, Who is the teacher of the entire world, Who is the doctor to those, Afflicted by the disease of birth and death

Ishvaro Gurur Athmethi Moorthy Bhedha Vibhagine Vyomavath Vyaptha Dehaya Sri Dakhinamurthaye Namaha
Self, Guru and GOD – are one and the same thing with three differentforms. To that Dakshinamurthy (who is the first Guru of all Gurus) who represents these three forms and who has a body all-pervading like space – I offer my salutations.
\

\
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\
naaraayaNaM padmabhavaM vasishhThaM shaktiM cha tatputraparaasharaM cha
vyaasaM shukaM gauDapadaM mahaantaM govindayogiindramathaasya shishhyam
shrii shaMkaraachaaryamathaasya padmapaadaM cha hastaamalakaM cha shishhyam
taM troTakaM vaarttikakaaramanyaan asmataguruun santatamaanatosmi
shrutismR^itipuraaNaanaaM aalayaM karuNaalayaM
namaami bhagavatpaadaM sha~NkaraM lokasha~Nkaram
sha~NkaraM sha~Nkaraachaarya keshavaM baadaraayaNam
suutrabhaashhyakR^itau vande bhagavantau punaH punaH
gururbrahmaa gururvishhNur gururdevo maheshvaraH
guruHsaakShaat parambrahma tasmai shrii gurave namaH
shrii+ brahmanandam parama sukhadam kevalam GYaanmurtim
vishvaatiitaM* gagana sadrisham tattvamasyaadi lakshyam
\

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The Atman, the enlightened Guru, and Brahman are all one! And that is all there is. An enlightened master is considered the same as Brahman.The first thing that scriptures say is that one must have an enlightened master to take us to the goal of self realization. Hinduism has the tradition of Guru and student (Shishya). All Gurus, Rishis of the Vedas, even Krishna, when giving knowledge never claim that it's their knowledge but  that, "We have heard from the wise ones", or "learnt from my Guru". The knowledge is passed down from Guru to student through thousands of years. The first Guru, who was never is a student is Narayana, in the Vaishnav tradition, and Dakshina Murthy, in the Shaivite tradition.

Hinduism talks about the concept of a "Guru" as its also necessary to learn from a wise person, and not using my own logic and interpretation which may mislead me to wrong conclusions. Therefore I need to learn spirituality from a spiritual master like learning Math from a Math professor. It was very common for each person, family, and king to have a spiritual Guru. The Hindi word "Anath" commonly known as orphan, actually means one without a Guru. Lost without wisdom.

Guru need not be in physical form. When a qualified student asks a sincere question from a pure heart - he will get the answer. Knowledge can come as revelations from within and also from the whole world. However; the best is that from a realized master. 

When that desire for being free is so strong and sincere, a right master is given by nature not that one can choose a master. It could also come from previous merits (Karma) but since it's too complicated and there's no way for me to verify.  Like a student in a particular class in school an appropriate teacher is assigned, with that faith I know nature will bring to me the right one. 

An enlightened Guru is the only one who can raise a student to enlightenment and also to express the knowledge of enlightenment. A professor with a Bachelors degree can't teach to PhD students. If a Guru is a Siddha - a perfected yogi, he can raise a student only to his level - not to enlightenment. 

For me the master I am given, not chosen, is Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, or Gurudev, as I like to respectfully address him. I am ever so grateful to him for giving me so much knowledge and compassion. I have gained so much on my spiritual path from him. I have a long list of praise and admiration for him, he is the optimal human, "Purushottam". He is a Sat Guru to so many. Guru means one who removes darkness or ignorance, and brings you on the path of truth. He has brought so many to the spiritual path and done so much for others. I am happy to be a drop in the ocean of bliss.

Gurudev's knowledge is in line with the ancient scriptures and saints. He has brought the scriptures alive with fresh, modern, simple and practical wisdom. He has also brought tools and techniques apt for this day and age. The famous one being the Sudarshan Kriya, a pranayama. One should always be grateful for all the knowledge one has gained and drink the nectar that such saints have to offer to the world.

I can't meet Brahman/God, or converse with Him, then how do I learn, ask questions, and interact with God? I would be so lost if it was not for Gurus. This is unique to Hinduism, that in addition to priests there are spiritual masters, Gurus. A person who has done Bachelors degree can't teach me PhD level stuff, only an enlightened person can raise me to his level. So where do I find such an enlightened master? How do I know if he's enlightened?

More than a decade ago when I was so consumed by my consulting business, we had just moved to the bay area. One day I asked myself, "What am I doing? This is not me, this is not my nature, not the purpose of my life. I want to pursue spirituality. I want to go back to that inner pursuit and make it the focus of my life. I need to look for an organization, a Guru...". That's when one of my close friends, Madhu, introduced me to the Art of Living. I was looking to learn meditation, a serious advanced study of scriptures, etc.! Quite funny now that I look back. When she said the Art of Living course was about breathing exercises I thought it's way too elementary for me and told my husband to take the course. He had been curious about spirituality after marrying me and thought this would be a good introductory class for him. A very close friend, Indu, was also living with us at the time. Both my husband and her signed up for the one that was held in our area. When they came home after the first Sudarshan Kriya, they looked so transformed! My husband was glowing and he was so calm and peaceful .I was quite taken aback with their presence and asked what happened, what did they do. They described their experiences, it was quite amazing. I wanted the same experience and decided to do the course right away. I had a long conversation with the Art of Living teacher, Nancie, who had taught my husband's class. I took the Art of Living course September, 1999, in Milpitas, with my wonderful teachers, Neha and Ravi. The Sudarshan Kriya definitely had an effect on me. I remember driving home and feeling quite empty, blank, yet so peaceful. I remember my son giving me a hard time, being irritable and for the first time it didn't phase me. I didn't get angry or agitated for many days. From there I was on a fast track. I took the Advance Course in Monterey during Thanksgiving. I had gone with Indu. I had such deep experiences which I haven't had since. I enrolled myself in the Ashtavakra series which was basically a group watching the commentary by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar once a week. I loved the knowledge and that's what attracted me to Art of Living and Sri Sri. The first time I met Sri Sri was in Lake Tahoe in 2000 during Guru Purnima. I whispered something to him on stage when I went to get his blessings, and then during a group session with new people I asked him a question, quite deliberately to have an interaction with him. Anyway that was the start of my journey with Sri Sri. I feel a special connection and subtle communication with him, sometimes I feel he's a mirror of what's happening within me. I don't know who he is, but like a child trusts and loves the mother without knowing, I do too. In my first email to him I said, "Guide me till I reach the final goal, take me to mySelf".

A disciple or a devotee has closeness as well as respect, both combined in one - Sri Sri

The Ashtavakra Gita is a Vedantic text of the highest order, and it satisfied my thirst for knowledge with sweet nectar. I have gone through many commentaries on various scriptures and found them to be the ultimate in knowledge. If I could implement even one statement completely 100% I would be free. Reading Yoga Vasistha was like reading a science fiction novel! But really I find it the ultimate in the knowledge on truth.

Knowledge is spherical. It is all encompassing. There is conceptual knowledge, experiencial knowledge and existential state of wisdom. Most of the time I am in the first two categories. An enlightened Guru is in the last one, established in consciousness. When I meditate sometimes I get a sense of that substratum within me, the equilibrium when all oscillation has stopped. Just being and being a witness. All experience is the realm of the world so all spiritual experiences can be null and voided as an experience of the truth. There is no time or space or thought or anything there. Like going into a black hole. When you travel at the speed of light nothing exists. Everything that exist, time, space is slower than speed of light and mind is faster than speed of light. When one rests in that equilibrium of the speed of light everything disappears. That is the Guru tattva - the essence of truth, the light of wisdom. I don't see a Guru as a body, as a personality, I see the Guru as the presence of consciousness wrapped in a physical form. Like magnets attract, my soul charges towards this bright brilliance of the Guru. There is a magnetic connection - a subtle yet strong bond between the Atman and the enlightened one. Like two black holes on the surface that lead to eternity, cosmic consciousness, Brahman.  

The Guru is like the window, the sky is consciousness/God. To see the sky I need a window through which to see. Through that window the light of the sun comes in. One who has a window in the house they live are lucky, for they can see the brilliance of the sun through that window. Being grateful to the ones who give me love unconditionally is one the most beautiful feelings of human experience. The melting of the self in complete surrender is the epitome of devotion and reverence. Such grace flows that it's like the Niagara Falls. That connection, the oneness of Self and Guru is what is this ancient tradition of Guru and disciple.

India has seen such beautiful Guru traditions, and the Gurus are innumerable. The ancient Rishis (seers) were all over the globe and this knowledge was universal, there was no country or religion thousands of years ago. The great Kapilla Rishi lived in what is now California. Some were in Nova Scotia. Nova Scotia comes from the Sanskrit root Nav Kosha or nine Koshas (a Vedic measurement) from the center of time which is Ujjain. Why Ujjain because that is where the axis of time, Maha Kaaleshwar, resides. There were Rishis in Germany also. This is my ascertainment from what I have read and heard.  

I bow to all the Gurus from the start of time to the present day, may You take this offering of love and reverence at your feet....

Jai Guru Dev

Chapter 4 : Where do I start?


When a wave starts to rise it needs direction, guide, a goal and intention. Where do I start? I have heard I am consciousness, my true nature is peace and bliss, but I'm far from it! I know I am ignorant and therefore I don't experience it and this supreme state is here and now. The wise say that it's not something I have to work on gradually over time and achieve in the future, it's just an awakening.
The eternal knowledge or consciousness, created the solution before creating the problem so there was a way out once created. The wise enlightened beings have a clear understanding of this knowledge on humans, existence and consciousness.

Root cause: Ignorance
Humans are created with ignorance. This means that I don't know that I am pure consciousness, that I AM peace, bliss, love, complete, whole, everything is me, I am not a separate entity from the rest of creation. If I was a living this state then I won't have the desire to gain happiness and love from outside, or have fear of death. So naturally ignorance brings in desires to gain peace and happiness from external sources. That's the first thing that this knowledge says: 1. Man is ignorant of his true nature. This is the ultimate root cause. 2. Because of this ignorance man has desires.
Amazing! first this cosmic consciousness creates this entire existence as an illusion and then creates man with ignorance, and then then a produces and directs a long movie about removing the delusion to finally see the truth. Sometimes I wonder why was all this created anyway, isn't it a waste of time?

Desire based actions
One of the jewels of this knowledge is that actions prompted by desire will give rise to more desires/greed when fulfilled or anger and frustration if not fulfilled. This cycle continues and we get trapped in it, like a mouse on a wheel. Let us analyze how this happens step by step. What the wise say is that bondage has three sources:
1. If an action gives pleasing results we will be bound to the source and the result.
2. If the result of action is coming from individual – then you are obliged/attached to the person, and if it’s not conducive then we have hatred towards the person.
3. If attached to an action and asked not to do it then it will cause more craving, agitation, and a tendency (Vasana) to do that even more. So patterns get engraved in us. These hidden tendencies/impressions/patterns stay not only in this lifetime but over several lifetimes in our subtle mind.
Ultimately we build up more negative emotions and tendencies and loose our peace of mind because we are consumed by our desires.

Loosing peace of mind
We have so many agitations, distractions, restlessness; the end result is discomfort and sorrow. This is called "Vikshepa", or disturbance. Cause of Vikshepa is impurity and inherent tendencies. Different people adopt different methods to get rid of this, and these methods can be "Tamasic" (impure): drinking alcohol, drugs, medication, but the sorrow doesn't go permanently, there's only temporary relief, and brings more long term problems like addiction and other side effects. "Rajasic" (passion, lust, greed) method to remove sorrow are: turn towards different kinds of entertainment, become a workcoholic, keep busy so one doesn't think about sorrow/distraction. Then there is a "Sattvic" (pure) method to get rid of misery. Cause of disturbance,  or sorrow, is that the mind is craving for something, there are hidden tendencies (Vasanas). The Sattic means are devotion to God, praying, yoga, meditation, being in the company of wise men, listening to knowledge to gain peace of mind. Sattiv methods don’t produce new desires or have side effects.

Ignorance (Avarana), Negativities/impurities (Malla), Disturbed mind (Vikshepa)
So here this is the vicious cycle:
Ignorance -> tendencies (Vasanas) -> desires -> actions -> negativity/impurities (Malla) -> a disturbed mind (Vikshepa), and the cycle continues.
Haven't we seen this over and over again? Yet we love to do those things which are either illegal, immoral or unhealthy!

This is also what Buddha said that the cause of misery is desires. Once we have a clear understanding of the cause of sorrow, half the misery drops right there. It also prepares us to receive the solutions proposed.
What is now required of me is that whenever I am unhappy I need to first become aware and then reflect on what is the root cause of my unhappiness. It will trace back to the ultimate root cause which is ignorance.

Three types of Karma
Ignorance and actions driven by desires lead to side effects and after effects. Why? Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We start building a bank balance of the effects of our actions. The theory is called "Karma". 1. There are some actions whose effects or results start sprouting now in the present life (Prarabdha Karma). Like today I have a migraine because I had coffee yesterday, so it's coffee Karma! We have reap the fruits of the seeds we have sown. 2. There are some that will start taking effect in the future (Sanchit Karma). 3. And of course our current actions are also adding to the bank balance! (Agami Karma). The intertwining of all these causes and effects is very complicated and can't be comprehended. Bottom line is that we can't gain liberation till we have a Karma account balance of zero. So we have to exhaust all the effects of previous actions and not produce any new ones. This is one reason why there is no instant liberation even when the knowledge is gained.

Muddy & turbulent waters
I like to think in terms of water with is both muddy and turbulent. First of all the mud (impurities, negativities) needs to be removed and the water purified. Secondly, the turbulent waters need to be calmed. Once the water is crystal clear and absolutely still, only then can we see a perfect reflection of our Self.

Ego
What happens when we fall from grace? When an individual is created from consciousness, it's like a wave rising from the ocean, the "I"ness and "Mine"ness gets created, a separate entity from the totality with a name and form. This is what is called "Ego". This illusion of a separate entity, the human, and it loses the awareness of the oneness, the wave forgets it's a part of the ocean, and identifies himself with his body and mind. The ego thinks that "I am doing". If doership is there then one also gets affected by the results, "I am suffering" or "I am enjoying". When I transact in the world whether through good actions or bad actions, from the sense of an independent individual then I am crediting or debiting my Karma account.

"I" and "Mine"
Ego is also the cause of suffering. I have seen that people who are selfish, sad or depressed are so focused on themselves, their family, their job, home, and all that is related to "I" and "mine". If you notice a conversation with that person you will see that the focus is on "me, me, me, my ..., my ..., my ...", the listener slowly looses interest. Such a person has more interest in self and very little interest in others. How long will other people stay with such a person? These people are termed as selfish and are often miserable. We need to shift the focus to others whom we don't consider our own, just a shift of focus, it can be from asking about others to service to others. People think that once I/my family gain something, or when I/my family get rid of this problem, I will be happy. Yet the more I focus on myself the deeper a hole I get myself into. When I am sad or unhappy the best remedy is to make someone else happy. Then there is tremendous growth in happiness. Happiness comes from giving and I truly believe we are here for others. A river doesn't drink it's own water, a tree doesn't eat it's own fruit, the sun shines for everyone else. So humans should also by nature be there for others, right?

Karma Yoga
The scriptures have devised a solution to purify the mind, the muddy turbulent waters, as well as to subdue the ego through "Karma Yoga". Karma Yoga in summary means that one should have a vision of dispassion towards the result of action. For this the virtues of Vivek and Vairagya are needed. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna talks extensively about the true meaning of Karma Yoga. It says, do what is the right conduct for you (Dharma) but with a sense of detachment, not with ego, and not be worried about the result at all, only then can one actually do anything 100%. If we are even a little worried or attached to the result of our actions then it suffocates our effort. Have you felt that? Because there is a desire for the result. Therefore, Karma Yoga is not propelled by desires and erases the tendency to act on desires. Then actions will not bind us or create any negative impressions (Vasanas).

All actions should be done with an attitude of dispassion and with full hearted compassion only then will Karma Yoga evaporate the ego. Where there is unconditional love there is no ego. This is such an important point: Compassion. This is the basis, the premise, the fabric, the foundation, on which everything needs to be built.

The other great purifier in terms of yoga is "Pranayama". Breath is connected to emotions, each emotion has an associated breath pattern. Yoga uses the breath to purify emotions through the technique of Pranayama. When we can't control our mind and emotions directly, but we can use the breath  to control and purify.

Meditation
Once the muddy and turbulent water is purified the next step is to calm the waters. The disturbance is on the surface. The way to settle the mind is through pranayama (yoga of breath) and meditation. What results is absolute stillness and silence.
If we meditate without first removing the impurities then meditation will not yield long term results. We will be peaceful while meditating and then still have negativity later. That is why I have seen this dichotomy in me, I am spiritual yet not pure. I have seen so many people who have been meditating for years, some for more than 20 years, but they still have so much ego, anger, and other negativity in them. I feel like telling them to have some compassion first, otherwise what's the point in being "spiritual". When there is unconditional love, compassion for others, negativity is reduced and only then can meditation can yield results. It is good to get feedback from others to see what they perceive and know how much spirituality has integrated in us!

"Mind at rest is the Temple of Joy. So long as it is gurgling with its desires, passions and attachments in its stormy surface, the signature of joy gets ruffled out."
~Swami Chinmayananda


Four goals of human effort
See how the clarity in this knowledge classifies what humans strive for in their lives. It says that there are four main goals we work towards:
1. Dharma - the effort towards righteous conduct as per natural law.
2. Artha - the efforts towards material prosperity, wealth, fame, power, but without greed and as per Dharma.
3. Kama - the fulfillment of physical and emotional desires for happiness, but without lust and as per Dharma.
4. Moksha - the self-effort for liberation.

The ancient sages who wrote the guidelines for living life knew that most people will lead a materialistic life and very few will seek liberation. There is nothing wrong in having these desires as long as we follow the guidelines to achieve them. The Vedas provide the code of conduct for attaining these. As long as we have the desires to fulfill the first three goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama, we will not be interested so much in attaining Moksha. That is like Maslow's need hieararchy, a human being can have aesthetic desires only about the physical, mental and emotional needs are met. For those who still have Dharma, Artha and Kama as the goals the scriptures say engage in the efforts towards these goals through "Right Action", that is Karma and then engage onself in "Spiritual Practices", which is Upasana, to fulfill all these goals.

Knowledge of Dharma and Brahman
The Vedas have two main topics:
     Dharma: Knowledge on the universal natural laws govering the individual, the world, the creator and their interrelationships, and the knowledge on Karma by which a person can lead a successful worldly life. Therefore Dharma is also known as desire management. This part of the Vedas is call the Karma Kanda and Upasana (spiritual practices) Kanda.
   Brahman: the knowledge on consciousness and ultimate truth. It answers the basic human questions like "Who am I", etc. It's this Self knowledge that liberates us from the limitations of worldly existence. This portion of the Vedas is called the Jnan (knowledge) Kanda, Upanishads or Vedanta (the conclusion of knowledge or spiritual path).
The 3 portions of the Vedas, Karma, Upasana and Jnan deal with the 3 basic problems: impurities (Malla), mental disturbances (Vikshepa) and ignorance/veiling (Avarana).

An individual who doesn’t have desires doesn't need Dharma, he’s directly qualified for Brahman. There are three types of desires: Vitteshana (related to money, job, home), Putraeshana (related to children), Lokeshana (related to fame, power). For all these there are instructions in the Vedas. The first portion of the Vedas deals with a person who has desires and how to rise above them. I do have desires but very few materialistic desires at this point. What if I don’t have desires? Then I can start with the Jnan portion.

For me all of the above is a synopses of the Vedas and Bhagavad Gita.
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Now for some comic relief. 

A top executive on vacation at a Mexican beach watches a fisherman everyday get up late, work a few hours, eat lunch, sleep in the afternoon and party in the evening with his amigos (friends). 

The ambitious executive is very restless so he asks the fisherman: Why do you go fishing only for a few hours? 

Fisherman: I earn enough for my family, I'm happy...

Executive: Well you can work double the number of hours, earn double, get 1 more boat, then 2, then open a company...then take the company public...then you will be so rich! 

Fisherman: Ok. How long will that take? 

Executive: About 10-15 years.

Fisherman: After all that hard work then what? 

Executive: Then you can retire! 

Fisherman: Retire and do what? 

Executive: Then you can get up late, do some fishing, eat, sleep and party with friends.... 

Life is short, life is a play, be happy and have fun!

So where do I start? Karma Yoga to remove impurities, or pranayama/yoga/meditation for peace of mind? Should I be happy with my devotion (Bhakti), or should I start with knowledge to remove my ignorance? As the cup of Karma yoga fills and overflows into the empty vessel of Upasana I become still...silent. This vessel so full...spurts a fountain of sweet devotion, quenching this thirsty heart! Overflowing with love, intoxicated with ecstasy the soul sings and merges with the divine! What blossoms is that unfathomable bliss, the lover and the beloved are one, there is nothing but radiance, no space, no time, just eternity...

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