Chapter 3 : Back on the path
This is my path. On this path I am alone, no one else exists. So how does it matter what their opinions are about me, about the world, about the divine? Let others have their own path. So many I have seen, heard, been influenced by and influenced. Everyone is on a journey, I have not met anyone who has reached the other end yet. I am looking for perfection and not found it in anyone or anything in the world. I keep looking for answers to questions about life from other people including saints, philosophers, spiritualists and great men of this world. Even though they give me an indication from their experiences in life, I realize that they too are not perfect and don't have all the answers. I have learnt so much from them and am so grateful for the knowledge they have imparted and the experiences they have had. Some sadly are hypocrites, some are businessmen, few are genuine. Some say things that are pertinent to them and their journey, and I remain unsatisfied.
Love looks for perfection in the one I love only to find imperfection. Then there is pain and disappointment.
Again and again I come back to the realization that I am looking for "that" which I am and which I loose again and again. Is that the path for me? Finding my way back to the "natural" state of me? Sometimes getting lost and forgetting. Sometimes I sense a fragrance and I follow the scent which leads me back to deep within, to the source from where it emanates. So when did I ever fall off the path? Then there is no question of getting back on the path! This path is not a straight line but like a wave with small ups and downs, big ups and downs, fast ups and downs, slow ups and downs! When I feel like I'm "back on the path" it's when I start rising on the wave from rock bottom! And after each up and down this wave still progresses forward towards the other shore. I am a tired wave, worn out by the lashing against other waves, being beaten by the wind and storm. I long for the calm serene ocean reflecting the sun's rays, peace....
I think what has helped me most on my path is the knowledge about creation and consciousness, loosely termed as Hinduism today. This knowledge is universal, eternal and engrained in cosmic consciousness. It's not of human origin or have any origin at all - it's eternal. Since it talks about the ultimate "Truth" and truth never changes, this knowledge applies even today as it has in the past and will in the future. Truth is also universal so it is relevant to everyone, everywhere. A lot of other knowledge is not so universal as it was to the audience (devotees) at that time and place. In each of the great religions of the world has an aspect which deals with values, and these as universal and eternal.
Hinduism for me is not a religion it is knowledge. Ancient humans accessed (and can access) this knowledge in deep meditation when they merged with cosmic consciousness. That is why it is called "Shruti", which means it was revealed. Other knowledge is known as "Smriti" because it came from human intellect. These ancient revelations were taught from teacher to student verbally and were later compiled into written form into what are called the Vedas (of which Upanishads are a portion). This incredible knowledge has perfect clarity and completeness in understanding human beings, creation, and consciousness. It is also a methodical approach in guiding us answer lives questions such as "Who am I?", "What is the purpose of life?", "Why was the universe created?", "How do I become free?", etc.
Like we trust professors to tell us about all the things we can't know ourselves, we have to trust in spiritual professors and text books to guide us spiritually. I can't trust my own physical experiences, perception, mind or logic to answer these questions, I am still a student. Science can't answer these questions either. The right means of knowing and understanding have to be used depending on what needs to be known. One can't use the ears to taste something, it's the wrong sense organ. The sense organs can't be used to observe the thoughts. Thoughts and logic can't be used to know and experience love. Just like that the right means of knowing has to be used to understand consciousness. What is that? It is the knowledge of consciousness brought down from the revealations of the seers. The implied meaning of this deep knowledge needs to be explained by a teacher who has experienced and experienced consciousness. Only such a teacher can know the essence of this knowledge.
There are so many other sources of knowledge out there but I feel that either it is not a thorough understanding, or is just a piece of the the whole - not complete, or just a personal perspective. In addition to the values aspect all of the worlds religions have portions that deal with traditions and rituals. Unfortunately the tendency of people is to dilute the spiritual aspect and blindly follow the traditions and rituals. That's why I feel religions have become dogmatic, and need constant revival and cleansing. A lot of the texts have practices which were relevant for the time and place where the religion originated. Most of the religions have originated from the spiritual experiences of its founder. Yet that ambrosia, that spiritual core is not grasped by most of it's followers, nor is the same spiritual quest an objective of their lives. For most people the life stories of their prophets and avatars are moral guides to life. As long as the wisdom can be extracted from them, rather than being followed mindlessly, they are good and serve a purpose. For me, I like the spiritual aspect, the purest- highest knowledge and nothing short of it.
The Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads are my favorites. They are clear, concise and complete. I have heard that these ancient verses are a means to the know the ultimate truth, however there is no proof that they are apart from my own inner affirmation. It strikes home and I sense it is the "Truth". My own conscience and personal experience tells me that this knowledge is complete...whole. All other sources of knowledge apart from the Vedas and Gita that I have read or heard are very good too but I just find something missing in them.
What I find amazing about the Bhagavad Gita is that all the knowledge in the thousands and thousands of verses of the four Vedas has so concisely, precisely and systematically been given to take the seeker step by step from grief to liberation. What is this systematic process and why is it important?
First of all a clear and complete understanding of the human psyche is needed in order to take an individual from total ignorance to complete knowledge and final liberation.
Also one has to know the nature of creation, this theater we call the world, which has a script, heros, villians, etc. Ups and downs are part and parcel of this great story. This movie is an illusion called, "Maya", which is this physical creation, from a sub-atomic particle to the vast universe. Maya literally means: that which can be measured, as everything that has dimensions of space and time can be measured or observed.
So there is ignorance on the personal level and illusion on the macro level. These two are the Adam's apple, that which make us fall from grace, or rather forget that we are that vast cosmic consciousness, pure knowledge, bliss, eternal, and universal.
What is interesting is that the microcosm, or my human body-mind, is a replica of the macrocosm, or this entire creation. So a human being is a small mirror image of the macro-cosmic creation, and there is a connection between the two, as though we are in touch with the entire creation no matter how big it is.
There is a text by Adi Shankaracharya, an 8th century saint from India, who wrote a book called the "Tattva Bodha". This text has a lot of fundamental "must have" knowledge, so I would say it's almost like a required first course before proceeding to read the Gita or Upanishads or any other text. One section of this book has compiled the knowledge from the Vedas about creation, the human system, and co-related the two. The chart below is a good graphic representation of this section of the Tattva Bodha and since I love to learn via audio and visuals, it's excellent for me.
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The five major elements: space(ether), air, fire, water, earth; intellect; ego; mind; tendencies/impressions; the ten senses (of knowledge and action); the five objects of the sense: sound, sight, taste, touch, smell; desires; likes, dislikes; happiness; sadness; the perceptual faculty of the mind; and determination; all these are what constitutes CREATION.
Another section of the book, Tattva Bodha, talks about the virtues required to realize this knowledge existentially.
First is to have the wisdom to know the difference between the permanent and that which is changing, "Vivek". Just observe everything and everyone around you, see that this will all change, it has changed from the past. Like in a movie see from the eyes of a camera capturing the scene over the years, see how a place changes, people come and go, events come and go. People are happy and they become ok, some people are happy after an achievement, then something happens and it goes away. If I were to sit in a time machine and watch events over the last 100 years would be amazing! I too have gone through pain, suffering, unhappiness, sickness and I have also gone through so much joy, wisdom, fulfillment, happiness, elation! So what? I want that which is permanent. Just observe within me there is something that is permanent, not changing, which shines through. Knowing this is wisdom...Vivek.
Once we know the difference and are established in this wisdom what automatically follows is dispassion, "Vairagya". Dispassion, what people also call non-attachment is an indifference to all that which is changing. How can one get emotionally affected by people, relationships, finances, job, health, if one knows it will change. When the separation comes between what you the observer and what you observe as changing, that separation is called detachment...Vairagya. This is the second virtue. Like water flowing from bucket to bucket, once this virtue is fully integrated in us what starts dawning is the next virtue.
Once I attain a virtue it's a real wealth which will never go away, and a personal wealth that no one can take away. This next virtue is a combination of six wealths that flow from being established in dispassion.
1. A strong and focused mind.
2. A strong mind that has a say of the senses. Like mind over body. Also known as self-control.
3. Once the senses no longer run wild out of control, I develop forbearance and endurance of desires and difficulties like pain, fear, financial loss, death of a loved one, relationship issues, etc. I can live through them without getting devastated.
4. If I am able to have forbearance and not get pulled outward by desires and events then I can repose in my own true nature.
5. As I start turning inward reflecting on my own true nature, I have to have faith in the infinite. I have to trust in those who are truly wise, a Guru, who know about consciousness. The in-tangent inner world has no proof of existence, it is the great unknown. With faith in the wise one who has reached the other shore one can progress.
6. That faith brings calm, centered-ness, steadfastness, and sereneness. These are the six wealts.
The fourth and final virtue is the intense yearning to be free. This has to be a personal journey, one has to earnestly want liberation, enlightenment, no one can put this yearning in me, it comes on it's own.
Sometimes I feel I have none of these virtues, when I am at the bottom of the curve and then slowly things start getting better again and I feel these coming. Meditation helps, reflection helps. Reading these sacred scriptures is a good guide. An enlightened spiritual guru makes me progress much faster. Through all my learning I need to keep strengthening these virtues of Vivek, Vairagya, etc.
Why do I need this spiritual knowledge? Because I feel this emptiness inside. With this deep feeling of incompleteness, with unanswered questions about life, I turn to those ancient scriptures and my spiritual guru. I need to have unshakable faith and trust faith in the scriptures, my guru and myself to help me gain liberation from this suffering.
They say a picture speaks a thousand words. The image of the Bhagavad Gita with Krishna and Arjun on the chariot says so much and that is where I feel I am.
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2. Charioteer: Krishna represents the Self/soul/consciousness, is supposed to be the wise giver of instructions to the mind.
3.Passenger: Arjun represents the individual Soul, the embodied Atma, the pure centre of consciousness which is always the neutral witness.
4. Horses: Senses, such as eyes-vision, ears-hearing, nose-smell, tongue-taste, skin-touch, through which we relate to the external world by perception and action.
5. Reins: Mind, through which the senses receive their instructions to act and perceive.
6. Roads: The countless objects of senses and desires in the world and our memory.
7. Wheels of the chariot: Right effort.
8. Destination: “Perfection” or “Self Realization”.
9. Kurukshetra Battlefield: It’s the inner battlefield, the only place where one can confront, do battle with, and vanquish the inner demons.
10. Two armies: 100 Kauravas represents 100 demonic tendencies and the 5 Pandavas the 5 divine virtues.
The battle (battle) is still going on everyday within us; this is the fight between our demonic and divine qualities. There has always been a struggle between the two. In this conflict between opposing forces consciousness (Krishna) is ever on the side of righteousness (Dharma) - the reality which sustains, not the delusion which undermines. With the guidance and wisdom (Gita) from one who has merged with consciousness (Krishna) I can overcome the 100 inner negative tendencies with only 5 inner divine virtues.Then this chariot is to be driven to the destination which is Self Realization. It is the same on the outside macro-cosmic level also. In the world I find 95% people and things are negative, only 5% is positive.
Now that I am ready for reception, I have to remember that I need to practice three things to evolve. First is that I have to listen to the spiritual scriptures from a spiritual master (Shravanam). Second is that I need to reflect on it later, to remove any doubts, to have a clear, firm and unshakable understanding (Mananam). Third is that I need to experience the content, that is to merge with consciousness, to become aware, for the light of truth to shine through and remove the dark shadow of ignorance. This can only be experienced through meditation (Nidhidyasanam). Only then can it become an existential experience.
So much effort and determination I have to put in to free of this miserable life! Oh! I was so happy as a child. I wish to cuddle up into my mother's lap again, into the cradle of God's arms. Close my eyes and sleep. I want nothing else, just forever be in His lap. There in that infinite peace there is no time, no place, no one, just me and Him. What path? There's no path! I am forever with Him at peace, all that is an illusion that Him and I are watching in a crystal ball.
This is my path. On this path I am alone, no one else exists. So how does it matter what their opinions are about me, about the world, about the divine? Let others have their own path. So many I have seen, heard, been influenced by and influenced. Everyone is on a journey, I have not met anyone who has reached the other end yet. I am looking for perfection and not found it in anyone or anything in the world. I keep looking for answers to questions about life from other people including saints, philosophers, spiritualists and great men of this world. Even though they give me an indication from their experiences in life, I realize that they too are not perfect and don't have all the answers. I have learnt so much from them and am so grateful for the knowledge they have imparted and the experiences they have had. Some sadly are hypocrites, some are businessmen, few are genuine. Some say things that are pertinent to them and their journey, and I remain unsatisfied.
Love looks for perfection in the one I love only to find imperfection. Then there is pain and disappointment.
Again and again I come back to the realization that I am looking for "that" which I am and which I loose again and again. Is that the path for me? Finding my way back to the "natural" state of me? Sometimes getting lost and forgetting. Sometimes I sense a fragrance and I follow the scent which leads me back to deep within, to the source from where it emanates. So when did I ever fall off the path? Then there is no question of getting back on the path! This path is not a straight line but like a wave with small ups and downs, big ups and downs, fast ups and downs, slow ups and downs! When I feel like I'm "back on the path" it's when I start rising on the wave from rock bottom! And after each up and down this wave still progresses forward towards the other shore. I am a tired wave, worn out by the lashing against other waves, being beaten by the wind and storm. I long for the calm serene ocean reflecting the sun's rays, peace....
I think what has helped me most on my path is the knowledge about creation and consciousness, loosely termed as Hinduism today. This knowledge is universal, eternal and engrained in cosmic consciousness. It's not of human origin or have any origin at all - it's eternal. Since it talks about the ultimate "Truth" and truth never changes, this knowledge applies even today as it has in the past and will in the future. Truth is also universal so it is relevant to everyone, everywhere. A lot of other knowledge is not so universal as it was to the audience (devotees) at that time and place. In each of the great religions of the world has an aspect which deals with values, and these as universal and eternal.
Hinduism for me is not a religion it is knowledge. Ancient humans accessed (and can access) this knowledge in deep meditation when they merged with cosmic consciousness. That is why it is called "Shruti", which means it was revealed. Other knowledge is known as "Smriti" because it came from human intellect. These ancient revelations were taught from teacher to student verbally and were later compiled into written form into what are called the Vedas (of which Upanishads are a portion). This incredible knowledge has perfect clarity and completeness in understanding human beings, creation, and consciousness. It is also a methodical approach in guiding us answer lives questions such as "Who am I?", "What is the purpose of life?", "Why was the universe created?", "How do I become free?", etc.
Like we trust professors to tell us about all the things we can't know ourselves, we have to trust in spiritual professors and text books to guide us spiritually. I can't trust my own physical experiences, perception, mind or logic to answer these questions, I am still a student. Science can't answer these questions either. The right means of knowing and understanding have to be used depending on what needs to be known. One can't use the ears to taste something, it's the wrong sense organ. The sense organs can't be used to observe the thoughts. Thoughts and logic can't be used to know and experience love. Just like that the right means of knowing has to be used to understand consciousness. What is that? It is the knowledge of consciousness brought down from the revealations of the seers. The implied meaning of this deep knowledge needs to be explained by a teacher who has experienced and experienced consciousness. Only such a teacher can know the essence of this knowledge.
There are so many other sources of knowledge out there but I feel that either it is not a thorough understanding, or is just a piece of the the whole - not complete, or just a personal perspective. In addition to the values aspect all of the worlds religions have portions that deal with traditions and rituals. Unfortunately the tendency of people is to dilute the spiritual aspect and blindly follow the traditions and rituals. That's why I feel religions have become dogmatic, and need constant revival and cleansing. A lot of the texts have practices which were relevant for the time and place where the religion originated. Most of the religions have originated from the spiritual experiences of its founder. Yet that ambrosia, that spiritual core is not grasped by most of it's followers, nor is the same spiritual quest an objective of their lives. For most people the life stories of their prophets and avatars are moral guides to life. As long as the wisdom can be extracted from them, rather than being followed mindlessly, they are good and serve a purpose. For me, I like the spiritual aspect, the purest- highest knowledge and nothing short of it.
The Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads are my favorites. They are clear, concise and complete. I have heard that these ancient verses are a means to the know the ultimate truth, however there is no proof that they are apart from my own inner affirmation. It strikes home and I sense it is the "Truth". My own conscience and personal experience tells me that this knowledge is complete...whole. All other sources of knowledge apart from the Vedas and Gita that I have read or heard are very good too but I just find something missing in them.
What I find amazing about the Bhagavad Gita is that all the knowledge in the thousands and thousands of verses of the four Vedas has so concisely, precisely and systematically been given to take the seeker step by step from grief to liberation. What is this systematic process and why is it important?
First of all a clear and complete understanding of the human psyche is needed in order to take an individual from total ignorance to complete knowledge and final liberation.
Also one has to know the nature of creation, this theater we call the world, which has a script, heros, villians, etc. Ups and downs are part and parcel of this great story. This movie is an illusion called, "Maya", which is this physical creation, from a sub-atomic particle to the vast universe. Maya literally means: that which can be measured, as everything that has dimensions of space and time can be measured or observed.
So there is ignorance on the personal level and illusion on the macro level. These two are the Adam's apple, that which make us fall from grace, or rather forget that we are that vast cosmic consciousness, pure knowledge, bliss, eternal, and universal.
What is interesting is that the microcosm, or my human body-mind, is a replica of the macrocosm, or this entire creation. So a human being is a small mirror image of the macro-cosmic creation, and there is a connection between the two, as though we are in touch with the entire creation no matter how big it is.
There is a text by Adi Shankaracharya, an 8th century saint from India, who wrote a book called the "Tattva Bodha". This text has a lot of fundamental "must have" knowledge, so I would say it's almost like a required first course before proceeding to read the Gita or Upanishads or any other text. One section of this book has compiled the knowledge from the Vedas about creation, the human system, and co-related the two. The chart below is a good graphic representation of this section of the Tattva Bodha and since I love to learn via audio and visuals, it's excellent for me.
\
The five major elements: space(ether), air, fire, water, earth; intellect; ego; mind; tendencies/impressions; the ten senses (of knowledge and action); the five objects of the sense: sound, sight, taste, touch, smell; desires; likes, dislikes; happiness; sadness; the perceptual faculty of the mind; and determination; all these are what constitutes CREATION.
Another section of the book, Tattva Bodha, talks about the virtues required to realize this knowledge existentially.
First is to have the wisdom to know the difference between the permanent and that which is changing, "Vivek". Just observe everything and everyone around you, see that this will all change, it has changed from the past. Like in a movie see from the eyes of a camera capturing the scene over the years, see how a place changes, people come and go, events come and go. People are happy and they become ok, some people are happy after an achievement, then something happens and it goes away. If I were to sit in a time machine and watch events over the last 100 years would be amazing! I too have gone through pain, suffering, unhappiness, sickness and I have also gone through so much joy, wisdom, fulfillment, happiness, elation! So what? I want that which is permanent. Just observe within me there is something that is permanent, not changing, which shines through. Knowing this is wisdom...Vivek.
Once we know the difference and are established in this wisdom what automatically follows is dispassion, "Vairagya". Dispassion, what people also call non-attachment is an indifference to all that which is changing. How can one get emotionally affected by people, relationships, finances, job, health, if one knows it will change. When the separation comes between what you the observer and what you observe as changing, that separation is called detachment...Vairagya. This is the second virtue. Like water flowing from bucket to bucket, once this virtue is fully integrated in us what starts dawning is the next virtue.
Once I attain a virtue it's a real wealth which will never go away, and a personal wealth that no one can take away. This next virtue is a combination of six wealths that flow from being established in dispassion.
1. A strong and focused mind.
2. A strong mind that has a say of the senses. Like mind over body. Also known as self-control.
3. Once the senses no longer run wild out of control, I develop forbearance and endurance of desires and difficulties like pain, fear, financial loss, death of a loved one, relationship issues, etc. I can live through them without getting devastated.
4. If I am able to have forbearance and not get pulled outward by desires and events then I can repose in my own true nature.
5. As I start turning inward reflecting on my own true nature, I have to have faith in the infinite. I have to trust in those who are truly wise, a Guru, who know about consciousness. The in-tangent inner world has no proof of existence, it is the great unknown. With faith in the wise one who has reached the other shore one can progress.
6. That faith brings calm, centered-ness, steadfastness, and sereneness. These are the six wealts.
The fourth and final virtue is the intense yearning to be free. This has to be a personal journey, one has to earnestly want liberation, enlightenment, no one can put this yearning in me, it comes on it's own.
Sometimes I feel I have none of these virtues, when I am at the bottom of the curve and then slowly things start getting better again and I feel these coming. Meditation helps, reflection helps. Reading these sacred scriptures is a good guide. An enlightened spiritual guru makes me progress much faster. Through all my learning I need to keep strengthening these virtues of Vivek, Vairagya, etc.
Why do I need this spiritual knowledge? Because I feel this emptiness inside. With this deep feeling of incompleteness, with unanswered questions about life, I turn to those ancient scriptures and my spiritual guru. I need to have unshakable faith and trust faith in the scriptures, my guru and myself to help me gain liberation from this suffering.
They say a picture speaks a thousand words. The image of the Bhagavad Gita with Krishna and Arjun on the chariot says so much and that is where I feel I am.
\
\
1. Chariot: The physical body, the instrument through which the Self, intellect, mind, and senses operate.2. Charioteer: Krishna represents the Self/soul/consciousness, is supposed to be the wise giver of instructions to the mind.
3.Passenger: Arjun represents the individual Soul, the embodied Atma, the pure centre of consciousness which is always the neutral witness.
4. Horses: Senses, such as eyes-vision, ears-hearing, nose-smell, tongue-taste, skin-touch, through which we relate to the external world by perception and action.
5. Reins: Mind, through which the senses receive their instructions to act and perceive.
6. Roads: The countless objects of senses and desires in the world and our memory.
7. Wheels of the chariot: Right effort.
8. Destination: “Perfection” or “Self Realization”.
9. Kurukshetra Battlefield: It’s the inner battlefield, the only place where one can confront, do battle with, and vanquish the inner demons.
10. Two armies: 100 Kauravas represents 100 demonic tendencies and the 5 Pandavas the 5 divine virtues.
The battle (battle) is still going on everyday within us; this is the fight between our demonic and divine qualities. There has always been a struggle between the two. In this conflict between opposing forces consciousness (Krishna) is ever on the side of righteousness (Dharma) - the reality which sustains, not the delusion which undermines. With the guidance and wisdom (Gita) from one who has merged with consciousness (Krishna) I can overcome the 100 inner negative tendencies with only 5 inner divine virtues.Then this chariot is to be driven to the destination which is Self Realization. It is the same on the outside macro-cosmic level also. In the world I find 95% people and things are negative, only 5% is positive.
Now that I am ready for reception, I have to remember that I need to practice three things to evolve. First is that I have to listen to the spiritual scriptures from a spiritual master (Shravanam). Second is that I need to reflect on it later, to remove any doubts, to have a clear, firm and unshakable understanding (Mananam). Third is that I need to experience the content, that is to merge with consciousness, to become aware, for the light of truth to shine through and remove the dark shadow of ignorance. This can only be experienced through meditation (Nidhidyasanam). Only then can it become an existential experience.
So much effort and determination I have to put in to free of this miserable life! Oh! I was so happy as a child. I wish to cuddle up into my mother's lap again, into the cradle of God's arms. Close my eyes and sleep. I want nothing else, just forever be in His lap. There in that infinite peace there is no time, no place, no one, just me and Him. What path? There's no path! I am forever with Him at peace, all that is an illusion that Him and I are watching in a crystal ball.
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