Chapter 10: The Journey Continues to the Perfected One


Everything in creation is cyclical. I live with the mental comfort that: 1) This creation itself is an illusion, like a dream 2) Everything gets created, destroyed and created again, so why get stuck? 3) Everything is just happening and is taken care of by design, so why worry? Just go with the flow.

Enlightenment is a mystery. The concept originally came from the Vedas and doesn't exist in any other religion. Is it a mental and psychological modification? Yes I have experienced super natural things for which there is no scientific explanation. But I am not enlightened.

What is amazing that through our experiences we move from one mental illusion or delusion to the next. I have gained certain knowledge, had certain experiences, and these form certain ideas and concepts in my mind which in turn affect my judgement, perception, ideas, beliefs, assumptions, decisions, interpretations, everything. All these form my mental world which I live in, and believe that to be reality. Each one of us are living in our own bubbles of reality. Then, when I gain more knowledge, more experience - spiritual and practical, I build a new mental world for myself. I know people who have gained some spiritual knowledge and have had some spiritual experiences and they live in a delusion that they have reached somewhere. Intriguing. I also hear and meet a lot of spiritual people and spiritual teachers and in them I see things like ego, desires, anger, etc. Amazingly they don't see it in themselves. They are also in a state of delusion. Like that I am also in some delusion and move from one illusionary world to the next. What is reality? What is "normal"? What is the truth?

What's better is to be a good human being, imbibe virtues and values and live them every moment. Be aware of negativity and eliminate it using pranayama, awareness and wisdom. Be practical and skillful and compassionate with people and in the world. So I don't want to talk about knowledge nowadays, I want to live it. The amount of knowledge I have is the that which I live and practice. The rest is just what I have studied like we study in school. I have seen people talk the highest knowledge and not live the basics. What's the point? It's useless. Better to live the basics and let the highest knowledge dawn naturally, like the ripening of a fruit.

Life goes on and my pursuit of truth and happiness continues. In the end everything works out fine, it happened exactly as designed. This body will drop one day, who knows if I have a soul that will move on to another world and then come back in another body. The world will keep turning through the eras to come. Who knows what will happen to this universe. How does it really matter! Smile :) Be Happy!!

Chapter 9: Ah Bliss!


Through all pursuits we pursue happiness. Isn't that what we're all looking for? There is a Whitney Houston song, "Greatest Love", with the line, "I found the greatest love of all inside of me!". It is the same with happiness. Happiness is our nature that's why we want to get back to it, sadness isn't our nature that's why we want to get rid of it. I often repose in my self with this knowing and experience the source of bliss within.

Sometimes we seems so far from happiness, it is hard to imagine that it's our nature. So what is our true nature, negativity or something else? I read this today by Deepak Chopra in answer to a question:
"You said you have found your true self. When the real self is established, it is not concerned or bothered with extraneous thoughts. All negativity is recognized as foreign to its true nature, so there is no trying to get rid of negative thoughts, they fade away on their own out of neglect. If you aren’t attached to thoughts, then you disempower them—you unplug their energy and they stop."

I have been listening to a commentary on the Chandogya Upanishad. When I thought about writing on 'Happiness' a few months ago the very next chapter in the Upanishad, coincidently, happened to be on 'Happiness'! This Upanishad has three chapters on the nature of consciousness. There are three primary characteristics of "Atman", or soul, which are "Sat" (Existence), "Chit" (Consciousness) and "Anand" (Bliss or Happiness). If I may refer to the verse which talks about where to find this happiness that we are seeking:
"Yo vai bhuma tat sukham, nalpe sukham asti, bhumaiva sukham, bhuma tveva vijijnasitavya iti, bhumanam, bagavah, vijijnasa iti." (Chandogya Upanishad, Chapter 3, Section 23)

Translation by Swami Krishnanada: 
“Happiness is plenum, happiness is completeness, happiness is the totality, happiness is in the Absolute. The term 'Bhuma' used in this Upanishad is a novel word of its own kind which cannot be easily translated. It has a pregnant significance within itself which implies absoluteness in quantity as well as in quality, an uncontaminated character, permanency of every type, immortality, infinity and eternity. All these ideas are embedded in the very concept of what the Upanishad calls 'Bhuma'. Well, we can translate it in no other way than to call it the Absolute Being. The Brahman of all the Upanishads is the same as the Bhuma mentioned here in this Chhandogya Upanishad. That alone is happiness." And "Tat Tvam Asi," I am That (happiness).

"Nalpe sukham asti" - the finite things do not contain happiness.

When I heard this, I fell in love with this word "Bhuma". The sound and the feeling when I said it, the sense of expansion. The experience of this fullness within was so real and having tasted that, the transient happiness from the world seemed like a shadow. It is a great asset to know that I am happiness, that I don't have to depend on anything or anyone to be happy. Also if I'm unhappy I have caused it, not someone else, it's all internal. Unhappiness can come from reacting to something, and reacting actually comes due to attachment or desires from my opinions, ideas, seeking perfection, expectations, etc. Lack of compassion also causes reactions and unhappiness if you see. All this is finally do due to lapse of wisdom. Wise people are naturally equanimous and in bliss all the time. 

Like I'd mentioned I had thought of writing this chapter a few months ago when my life was hunky dory. Now, when I actually started writing this chapter, I'm going through one of the most difficult and stressful times in my life. My father has just passed away, I have started a new job, I am worried about my mother, my husband had surgery, we need to move homes, wind up my mom's home, move her here, and am anxious about it all working out!

So I'm writing a chapter on "happiness" at an "unhappy" time in my life!

My dad's passing has been a soul searching experience because everything that I believe in is being tested, like "the soul is eternal" and "death is like changing clothes". It is also test to see how I react to my father's passing. If I have the wisdom manifested within I will be unperturbed inside, and still be in touch with my true nature which is bliss. On the outside it has been stressful with so many things happening at the same time. I am so glad that I've invested in yoga, pranayama, Sudarshan Kriya, and meditation. They are a real savior in trouble times. But I'm still searching for that happiness.

So what do we mean by "happiness". A lot of people associate the word happiness with an emotional state that is usually associated with pleasure and comfort. But this is temporary, and happens when something "good" happens. There is nothing wrong with that happiness either, but usually it goes away also, it's a matter of time, and then we're looking for happiness again, chasing a mirage. So it is not this emotional elation we feel, absolute happiness can't be an emotion. We can buy a car, house, a vacation and so many other things which give us momentary happiness, but true happiness can't be bought at any cost. Temporary happiness comes from fulfilled desires, thinking about me, I and mine, and eventually leaves us looking for permanent happiness. I see a lot of people who seems happy, but most people become unhappy at the loss of a family member, or loss of job/wealth/fame/power, or when diagnosed with a disease. 

Most of us think of happiness as the opposite of unhappiness. Some say that unless you know deep sorrow you cannot know happiness. I am not talking about this pair of opposites, happiness-unhappiness. How can something that comes and goes be true happiness? No. I am referring to bliss, which is beyond the duality of happiness-unhappiness. Haven't counted how many time Sri Krishna mentions being free of 'Sukha-Dukha' (happiness-unhappiness) duality in the Bhagavad Gita. The nature of Atma (soul) is bliss. When we seek happiness we are actually seeking the substratum of our existence - which is bliss. 

The more we are established in this bliss that is permanent, unmoving, and unchanging, we will not be brutally thrashed by our ups and downs of emotions and battered by events and situations, or react to people. 

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says to be happy in the "now", not to postpone happiness. How often are we happy right now, without wanting something or waiting for something to happen in the future? How often is our happiness without conditions, "When this happens...", "When I have this...", etc.? How often are we in touch with that bliss inside, without a desire being fulfilled? True happiness is unconditional. Standing on top of a mountain, looking out at the vastness, or being in the open ocean and feeling that expanse, with arms open wide and the wind blowing on my face, ah! Bliss! 


How often can we overcome challenges without becoming unhappy? We can have emotions of sadness at the loss of our father, for example, but still stay unmoved inside, balanced, equanimous. This comes from being established in the Self and from the wisdom that within I remain untouched. Are we in touch with a different quality of happiness in the core of our being which is bliss? Or is it heavily covered with our mind, emotions and existence. Rarely are we in touch with our Self. Like an ocean, there is turbulence on the surface but as you dive deep into the ocean there is only calm, serenity, silence.

The causes of misery are many, I know them, they are stated in the scriptures as ignorance, ego, desires, aversions, and fear. The solutions for happiness are few, so let me seek them. Better than fighting the darkness is to light a candle. H. H. Dalai Lama says from "I want happiness," remove the "I" (ego), the "want" (desire) and you will be left with "happiness". The Vedas say that the true nature of the soul is "Existence", "Consciousness", and "Bliss". So how to know this is what I am?! Certainly a relief to know that I am not this angry, impatient, imperfect mass of flesh! But how be established in that bliss that I supposedly am? How to be happy? I gave it some thought and realized that I need to be dispassionate and compassionate - at the same time. This bliss is very close to the quality of unconditional compassion and devotion.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna mentions that one who has discipline and control over his senses and mind is a happy person. Sri Krishna also says that a disintegrated, undisciplined person cannot gain clarity of knowledge about Truth and therefore cannot contemplate or meditate. A person who can't meditate can't experience peace, he will remain restless. How can a restless person be happy?

In the 6th chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna, talks about meditation and the happiness gained from it. That bliss is not of and cannot be experienced by the body, senses or the mind, it is beyond that.

Meditation brings me in touch with the core of my existence. There's a feeling of elevation. I don't know what it is, if it's just an experience or is it's for real, but it feels so good, deeply relaxing. I feel like I've come home and happily resting, I can let go and relax. This ah! feeling you know...an expansion. I feel a calm peaceful bliss permeating and expanding from my heart. This presence is much larger...beyond my physical existence. Don't know exactly how to explain it. It's like a rose and it's fragrance. This fragrance is the essence of the rose, it spreads much farther than the rose and cannot be seen. Being in touch with that essence, that fragrance, transcends the rose, the physical body. And that fragrance is this bliss I'm talking about. That calm sweet tender joyful fullness! In this fullness all desires have succumbed and there are no pestering thoughts. See it's much easier to extract the fragrance of bliss from the rose within than to obtain bliss from the harsh world outside.

Swami Tejomayananda (Chinmaya Mission) has something very intriguing in his 'Tips for Happy Living'. He says that when there is no integration between mind, intellect and sense organs then we can't be happy. Our intellect has a conviction for what is right, but our mind has it's own temptations and cravings, and then the senses are extroverted and disintegrates the will further. Also, he says, there should be oneness in thoughts, words and deeds. A lot of times we think one thing, say another and do something completely different. How can we be happy with ourselves if these don't line up? There should be sweetness in our thoughts and this should flow to our words, and then spread sweetness through our actions - this will bring happiness to oneself and others. It starts from the source, the core of our being, the most subtle aspect, and it is all bliss.

How can bliss come from anything temporary? Yet all our desires are for temporary things, and unhappiness is also from transient events. Then happiness and unhappiness is temporary as well. Nothing that changes can be called absolute truth or absolutely real. The cause of desires is ignorance, the attachment to this physical existence. That's why I said this bliss has to be devoid of desires, that is dispassion, and dispassion is not dry or empty it is full of compassion. Bliss can only be regained, rediscovered, uncovered from the realization of our true nature, which is eternal bliss. Let me take it for granted till I shed this ignorance. Let me meditate and get in touch with it again and again... 

"The bliss the scriptures are talking about cannot be induced artificially because it is not related to the physical or the mental or even the intellectual plane. In fact, one cannot do anything to bring it about. One just prepares oneself and awaits its happening as a realization. It is not a 'state'. One becomes of the nature of bliss." -Sri Ananadamayi Ma

The journey of life is to go from the head to the spiritual heart. Even though I earnestly seek liberation, let me take it for granted that I am a reflection of that free Self. The grand design is making everything happen. Like sunrise and sunset, this creation is moving from creation towards dissolution only to be created again. My current understanding of myself as being a limited being, a spec in the grand scheme of things is an incomplete understanding. I am the Absolute-being, the Brahman, whose dream is this creation. I AM! Who knows if all this is true, and will I ever know. Let me work on being happy, imbibe good virtues and values to be a good human being. Let me implement what I know and live from my heart. This life, people, this world, and all of creation is an amazing mystery. My mind and my perceptions creates my reality. This mind goes from one understand about life and the world to another, it keeps evolving and changing. Feels like we reject a previous understanding like a delusion and create a new delusional view. The mind creates worlds within worlds, but when I transcend the mind, through meditation, I feel permanence. There is something that is permanent... On a few occasions in life I have seen this life as a dream.