Chapter 7: Dear Son
Unconditional love flows naturally towards parents and children. No matter how they are, I love them dearly. I want them to be happy from the bottom of my heart. I would do anything for them. The only people I have a right and a duty to be an adviser and a guide to are my children. Whatever I say to them, whether I scold them, or say "No" to them, is for their good, without being afraid of being disliked, because unconditional love is always about the other person. I just want to hug my son and tell him I love so much! I want to write a letter to my son, something that will be with him whenever he needs me, even after I am no more...
Dear Son,
21 years ago in a hospital room in Chicago you came into this world! It was Sharad Purnima, full moon night, and your face was as beautiful as the full moon... I am so grateful to Krishna that on Sharad Purnima he gave me such a tender loving soul. Your name maybe Varun but for me you are Chaitanya. Love you dearest one. You're a part of my soul!
I have known you longer than anyone else, from the time you were in my womb. I know who you are, your essence, I know you to the core! You are a wonderful, gentle, loving human being, with a beautiful heart! Remember this. In a lot of ways you are wiser than me, better in the ways of the world and in dealing with people.
The only thing I would say to you is "BE HAPPY!". That's the only thing that matters, everything else will come and go and doesn't matter. We can get over every hurdle, we can live past every challenge, every problem, every pain. Keep your mind free! Be simple and natural. Happiness comes from being simple and natural.
Don't be caught up in the web of your mind. Be yourself. All philosophies finally give you this message. So don't get tangled in so much deep thinking that you loose yourself into delusions and illusions. And no matter how much the mind fabricates, intellectualizes and convinces, remember you are not the mind! The mind is like mist, the warmth of the heart is like the sun, when it dawns the mist disappears, the veil lifts and you see your true self. So live from your heart, and the heart is not complicated like the mind. Your mind especially is very complex and puts so many labels on yourself. I know who you are, trust me. Drop the mind when reflecting within, use your mind for working in the world.
When you are unhappy, sad, it is because you are focusing on yourself. Make someone happy, keep your focus on serving others. Remember to be compassionate and live your life for others. In changing times, this is the only wealth you'll have. And when you make others happy you will find fulfillment and misery will disappear. Just go and volunteer in a soup kitchen for example, you will find instant upliftment, so many energy will come to you, and you will feel so happy. When you are low, negative, when you're feeling down, or have a sinking feeling, don't fight the darkness, light a candle.
What I tell you are also things I need to work on myself. So it is also my own realization on what needs improvement, like compassion. It's just about compassion beta. It is compassion that makes us human. Otherwise we are just a piece of flesh with an ego. These are the simple values to live by, no need for complicated philosophies. All other virtues flows from compassion I think. The closer a person is to you, the more negativities you will see in them. You need to love people not because of what they are but inspite of what they are. Take it for granted that you are compassionate, that you ARE compassion. Ice melts to become water again, vapor condenses back to water, water always returns to it's natural state, so to return to your compassionate and happy self, it's your natural state! You know it, you have tasted it. How to go back to it? Just relax, rest, reflect, let go...and see. Nature will make you flow back to this state.
Compassion starts with yourself, be kind to yourself. Be full with love and respect for the divine form that you are. Others can love you only as much as you love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Repeat this mantra, "God loves me, my parents love me, I am a divine being in human form, I am love, peace, bliss".
Only compassion evaporates the ego in all it's forms. Only love dispels all delusions, illusions and impressions of the mind. It is love that drops you from the head to the heart, to the seat of the soul.
Remember a compassionate heart is not weak. It is like blazing fire. It is the will of the Lord. It's brilliance is that of a thousand suns and darkness dare not come near it. Be strong yet sensitive, like a powerful yet compassionate king who will serve his people but will also raise arms to defend his kingdom and himself. In fact only love can bring true lasting strength, because it is the only thing which is one pointed without conflict or ego. Have that unwavering, love within. It is a conviction of the self.
While feeling free inside (Mukti) and knowing that you are love (Bhakti) balance it equally when engaging outside. For the outside you need two main things, strength/energy/dynamism (Shakti) and skill in dealing with people and situations (Yukti). So one needs to be practical and excel in the world also, it's absolutely necessary to have equal balance inside and outside, between the ideal and real, between theoretical and practical, between knowledge and action.
For action one needs energy. Being lazy in the mind can be instantly removed by raising your energy level. Do some physical exercises also in addition to Pranayamas and meditation. You eat healthy food already so that is another source of energy. I look at your room as a reflection of the state of your mind. If your room is clean and organized I know you are in a good frame of mind. You just need to develop strength of mind using your will, sharp intellect and all of the above. You already have good awareness and skill in dealing with people. Keep learning people skills from personalities who have to deal with a lot of people. Improve your communication skills, respond and keep in touch with people. The most important thing is see things from the other person's perspective, then you will respond appropriately.
With regards to inside and outside, don't look for perfection in the world outside. Your inner core is perfect and be with that perfection in the soul. You are looking for a job after you graduate, remember, you will never find a perfect job, or a perfect company, or a perfect boss. You are also not going to be the perfect employee. In life nothing will be 10/10, at most they will be 8 out of 10. You decide what 8 are important to you. Take interest in your job, keep your commitment to your company and job. Do your duty it is more important than short term happiness. Remember that those who have employed you are also human beings like you, don't betray them. Don't quit a job in haste because you think it's not ideal. The next job may be worse than the one you left. First few jobs are going to be trivial. Be patient, persistent, and consistent. If you are is consistency then intelligence and ideas will bear fruit. So you need to sustain whatever you undertake. You do your best and do justice to your job to satisfying yourself.
The fastest way to become unhappy and lose hope is too look for perfection in the world. To the level you are comfortable with imperfect people, imperfections at work, imperfections in the whole world - to that level you have matured as a human being. How? With compassion n skill. Hug imperfection with dispassion! Only intentions can be perfect not actions. You need to work on making imperfect things better, so keep your focus on what you want to do and do your best. Not just talk, the world looks at your achievements and so do you. Remember give your 100% and never even think about the result, let alone being driven by the outcome of your efforts. Your expectations for the results will in fact suffocate your efforts and give you a lot of stress. You will never regret any loss if you have put in your 100% but will regret if you have not put in your 100%. Haven't you experienced this? Then why suffer?
Be strong and self confident. How to develop self confidence? Firstly don't listen to the opinion of others, including your parents. I have said so many things to you also, but drop them and move on. Never take anyone's negativity seriously, close the shutters when it comes your way, because their negativity will go away and it will stay in you. So it's better you shun others negativity with strength and dispassion. You have also been angry and opinionated about others. Do you hold on to that? Yet they may remember what you said. Everyone is equally good and bad. We are all in the same boat. You also have opinions about others. Just like you give your opinion about others, sometimes lightly and forget, so do others. Don't hang on to what others think about you. If they dislike you it's their bad Karma. You do your Karma.
The other thing about self confidence is to be proud of your achievements, and respect your virtues, they are God's virtues in you. Inside u is an eternal light, a living pulsating consciousness, gentle love and soothing grace. Bask in its abundance. You often count all your short comings, but never the your great qualities and achievements. So be positive in your outlook.. How? Keep your energy high and you will automatically be in a positive mindset. You also need to train the mind, over and over again. Your mind is like a wild horse you need to train it, then ride it and keep a tight check on it like rein on a horse.
Compare yourself with those who are lesser than you, only to boost your confidence, not to become arrogant! I look around and realize that you have done so much more than others and are such a beautiful human being!
Why are you so tough on yourself? Treat yourself like you would treat your beloved. Be forgiving to yourself but learn from your mistakes. In fact if you don't forgive yourself you will do the same mistake over and over again. You will be driven by guilt into a vicious loop of self blame, negativity and these impressions will drive you to further mistakes. So accept your mistakes with kindness to yourself and with strength, resolve and train the mind to make the right choices. Remember the consequences of your mistakes. It takes discipline, toughness, self effort, will power and remembering the consequences of past mistakes to say "NO!" to yourself, to stop yourself from making further mistakes. You have tremendous strength and will power, I have seen it, use that sword to cut the laziness in your mind.
You can also develop strength and foster your self confidence by making small commitments, "Today I will....". Take small steps, don't try to overhaul yourself with unconventional methods or swing from one end to the other. Remember your parents when you feel dis-balanced to re-center yourself. Ask yourself, what would my parents think if I did this, or what would my parents have done in my situation?
Weak people hang out with weak people, don't do that. Misery seeks company. Those who are unhappy, confused, not doing too well in life, or escaping from facing the tough world, will not give you any strength, confidence or inspiration. Without intimidation, make friends with and be in company of the strong, wise, successful and conventional people. They will take you upward. The company you keep has a huge influence on you.
Bow down, do Pranaam, to Bhagawan (God) every day. If you can have a puja place (shrine) where you can have a few sacred moments, close your eyes and pray. Then touch the feet of the Lord, bowing the head. This brings a tremendous amount of humility, reverence and kindles that divinity within us. When love is directed to the divine it will be ever pure and free of pain. It is the only love worth living for. Emotional love is a mirage, do not chase it, it will lead you astray and leave you thirsty and weak. In relationships always have compassion without attachment, even with your lady love, your children, and your parents.
Our scriptures say : worship your mother as God, worship your father as God, worship your Guru as God, and worship your guest as God. If you have this attitude, willingly, you will receive a tremendous amount of love and blessings in your live always.
You must read the Bhagavad Gita - it has everything you need. The first chapter is Arjun in despair, sometimes you have also been in the same state. Krishna gives such a strong message in the next few chapters. Now that you are entering the Karma yoga phase of your life, which is the grahasta ashram, where you do work in the world and raise a family, these chapters will serve you well.
So much wisdom! Oh my God! You must be overwhelmed reading it! Take it lightly and just have fun this life time. We think we have to do this and that, but should we be so serious about life and try to control it? One day when Papa and I were walking we saw a father pushing his son's toy bike from behind, the boy was busy peddling but the peddles were not connected to the wheels! Just like that we are busy peddling through life, but really it's God pushing our bike from behind, He is taking us through this "World's Carnival", and though we should keep peddling, we should just smile and enjoy!
Always remember one thing, your parents love you no matter what. Doesn't matter sometimes we scold you, but you must confide in us. We are the only ones in the world who truly care about what's best for you. Know that you can take us for granted, you can be with us, this will always be your home no matter how far you may go in the world or how long you are away. Family is always family, others come and go. I am always there for you my dearest one!
With love,
Your Mama
Unconditional love flows naturally towards parents and children. No matter how they are, I love them dearly. I want them to be happy from the bottom of my heart. I would do anything for them. The only people I have a right and a duty to be an adviser and a guide to are my children. Whatever I say to them, whether I scold them, or say "No" to them, is for their good, without being afraid of being disliked, because unconditional love is always about the other person. I just want to hug my son and tell him I love so much! I want to write a letter to my son, something that will be with him whenever he needs me, even after I am no more...
Dear Son,
21 years ago in a hospital room in Chicago you came into this world! It was Sharad Purnima, full moon night, and your face was as beautiful as the full moon... I am so grateful to Krishna that on Sharad Purnima he gave me such a tender loving soul. Your name maybe Varun but for me you are Chaitanya. Love you dearest one. You're a part of my soul!
I have known you longer than anyone else, from the time you were in my womb. I know who you are, your essence, I know you to the core! You are a wonderful, gentle, loving human being, with a beautiful heart! Remember this. In a lot of ways you are wiser than me, better in the ways of the world and in dealing with people.
The only thing I would say to you is "BE HAPPY!". That's the only thing that matters, everything else will come and go and doesn't matter. We can get over every hurdle, we can live past every challenge, every problem, every pain. Keep your mind free! Be simple and natural. Happiness comes from being simple and natural.
Don't be caught up in the web of your mind. Be yourself. All philosophies finally give you this message. So don't get tangled in so much deep thinking that you loose yourself into delusions and illusions. And no matter how much the mind fabricates, intellectualizes and convinces, remember you are not the mind! The mind is like mist, the warmth of the heart is like the sun, when it dawns the mist disappears, the veil lifts and you see your true self. So live from your heart, and the heart is not complicated like the mind. Your mind especially is very complex and puts so many labels on yourself. I know who you are, trust me. Drop the mind when reflecting within, use your mind for working in the world.
When you are unhappy, sad, it is because you are focusing on yourself. Make someone happy, keep your focus on serving others. Remember to be compassionate and live your life for others. In changing times, this is the only wealth you'll have. And when you make others happy you will find fulfillment and misery will disappear. Just go and volunteer in a soup kitchen for example, you will find instant upliftment, so many energy will come to you, and you will feel so happy. When you are low, negative, when you're feeling down, or have a sinking feeling, don't fight the darkness, light a candle.
What I tell you are also things I need to work on myself. So it is also my own realization on what needs improvement, like compassion. It's just about compassion beta. It is compassion that makes us human. Otherwise we are just a piece of flesh with an ego. These are the simple values to live by, no need for complicated philosophies. All other virtues flows from compassion I think. The closer a person is to you, the more negativities you will see in them. You need to love people not because of what they are but inspite of what they are. Take it for granted that you are compassionate, that you ARE compassion. Ice melts to become water again, vapor condenses back to water, water always returns to it's natural state, so to return to your compassionate and happy self, it's your natural state! You know it, you have tasted it. How to go back to it? Just relax, rest, reflect, let go...and see. Nature will make you flow back to this state.
Compassion starts with yourself, be kind to yourself. Be full with love and respect for the divine form that you are. Others can love you only as much as you love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Repeat this mantra, "God loves me, my parents love me, I am a divine being in human form, I am love, peace, bliss".
Only compassion evaporates the ego in all it's forms. Only love dispels all delusions, illusions and impressions of the mind. It is love that drops you from the head to the heart, to the seat of the soul.
Remember a compassionate heart is not weak. It is like blazing fire. It is the will of the Lord. It's brilliance is that of a thousand suns and darkness dare not come near it. Be strong yet sensitive, like a powerful yet compassionate king who will serve his people but will also raise arms to defend his kingdom and himself. In fact only love can bring true lasting strength, because it is the only thing which is one pointed without conflict or ego. Have that unwavering, love within. It is a conviction of the self.
While feeling free inside (Mukti) and knowing that you are love (Bhakti) balance it equally when engaging outside. For the outside you need two main things, strength/energy/dynamism (Shakti) and skill in dealing with people and situations (Yukti). So one needs to be practical and excel in the world also, it's absolutely necessary to have equal balance inside and outside, between the ideal and real, between theoretical and practical, between knowledge and action.
For action one needs energy. Being lazy in the mind can be instantly removed by raising your energy level. Do some physical exercises also in addition to Pranayamas and meditation. You eat healthy food already so that is another source of energy. I look at your room as a reflection of the state of your mind. If your room is clean and organized I know you are in a good frame of mind. You just need to develop strength of mind using your will, sharp intellect and all of the above. You already have good awareness and skill in dealing with people. Keep learning people skills from personalities who have to deal with a lot of people. Improve your communication skills, respond and keep in touch with people. The most important thing is see things from the other person's perspective, then you will respond appropriately.
With regards to inside and outside, don't look for perfection in the world outside. Your inner core is perfect and be with that perfection in the soul. You are looking for a job after you graduate, remember, you will never find a perfect job, or a perfect company, or a perfect boss. You are also not going to be the perfect employee. In life nothing will be 10/10, at most they will be 8 out of 10. You decide what 8 are important to you. Take interest in your job, keep your commitment to your company and job. Do your duty it is more important than short term happiness. Remember that those who have employed you are also human beings like you, don't betray them. Don't quit a job in haste because you think it's not ideal. The next job may be worse than the one you left. First few jobs are going to be trivial. Be patient, persistent, and consistent. If you are is consistency then intelligence and ideas will bear fruit. So you need to sustain whatever you undertake. You do your best and do justice to your job to satisfying yourself.
The fastest way to become unhappy and lose hope is too look for perfection in the world. To the level you are comfortable with imperfect people, imperfections at work, imperfections in the whole world - to that level you have matured as a human being. How? With compassion n skill. Hug imperfection with dispassion! Only intentions can be perfect not actions. You need to work on making imperfect things better, so keep your focus on what you want to do and do your best. Not just talk, the world looks at your achievements and so do you. Remember give your 100% and never even think about the result, let alone being driven by the outcome of your efforts. Your expectations for the results will in fact suffocate your efforts and give you a lot of stress. You will never regret any loss if you have put in your 100% but will regret if you have not put in your 100%. Haven't you experienced this? Then why suffer?
Be strong and self confident. How to develop self confidence? Firstly don't listen to the opinion of others, including your parents. I have said so many things to you also, but drop them and move on. Never take anyone's negativity seriously, close the shutters when it comes your way, because their negativity will go away and it will stay in you. So it's better you shun others negativity with strength and dispassion. You have also been angry and opinionated about others. Do you hold on to that? Yet they may remember what you said. Everyone is equally good and bad. We are all in the same boat. You also have opinions about others. Just like you give your opinion about others, sometimes lightly and forget, so do others. Don't hang on to what others think about you. If they dislike you it's their bad Karma. You do your Karma.
The other thing about self confidence is to be proud of your achievements, and respect your virtues, they are God's virtues in you. Inside u is an eternal light, a living pulsating consciousness, gentle love and soothing grace. Bask in its abundance. You often count all your short comings, but never the your great qualities and achievements. So be positive in your outlook.. How? Keep your energy high and you will automatically be in a positive mindset. You also need to train the mind, over and over again. Your mind is like a wild horse you need to train it, then ride it and keep a tight check on it like rein on a horse.
Compare yourself with those who are lesser than you, only to boost your confidence, not to become arrogant! I look around and realize that you have done so much more than others and are such a beautiful human being!
Why are you so tough on yourself? Treat yourself like you would treat your beloved. Be forgiving to yourself but learn from your mistakes. In fact if you don't forgive yourself you will do the same mistake over and over again. You will be driven by guilt into a vicious loop of self blame, negativity and these impressions will drive you to further mistakes. So accept your mistakes with kindness to yourself and with strength, resolve and train the mind to make the right choices. Remember the consequences of your mistakes. It takes discipline, toughness, self effort, will power and remembering the consequences of past mistakes to say "NO!" to yourself, to stop yourself from making further mistakes. You have tremendous strength and will power, I have seen it, use that sword to cut the laziness in your mind.
You can also develop strength and foster your self confidence by making small commitments, "Today I will....". Take small steps, don't try to overhaul yourself with unconventional methods or swing from one end to the other. Remember your parents when you feel dis-balanced to re-center yourself. Ask yourself, what would my parents think if I did this, or what would my parents have done in my situation?
Weak people hang out with weak people, don't do that. Misery seeks company. Those who are unhappy, confused, not doing too well in life, or escaping from facing the tough world, will not give you any strength, confidence or inspiration. Without intimidation, make friends with and be in company of the strong, wise, successful and conventional people. They will take you upward. The company you keep has a huge influence on you.
Bow down, do Pranaam, to Bhagawan (God) every day. If you can have a puja place (shrine) where you can have a few sacred moments, close your eyes and pray. Then touch the feet of the Lord, bowing the head. This brings a tremendous amount of humility, reverence and kindles that divinity within us. When love is directed to the divine it will be ever pure and free of pain. It is the only love worth living for. Emotional love is a mirage, do not chase it, it will lead you astray and leave you thirsty and weak. In relationships always have compassion without attachment, even with your lady love, your children, and your parents.
Our scriptures say : worship your mother as God, worship your father as God, worship your Guru as God, and worship your guest as God. If you have this attitude, willingly, you will receive a tremendous amount of love and blessings in your live always.
You must read the Bhagavad Gita - it has everything you need. The first chapter is Arjun in despair, sometimes you have also been in the same state. Krishna gives such a strong message in the next few chapters. Now that you are entering the Karma yoga phase of your life, which is the grahasta ashram, where you do work in the world and raise a family, these chapters will serve you well.
So much wisdom! Oh my God! You must be overwhelmed reading it! Take it lightly and just have fun this life time. We think we have to do this and that, but should we be so serious about life and try to control it? One day when Papa and I were walking we saw a father pushing his son's toy bike from behind, the boy was busy peddling but the peddles were not connected to the wheels! Just like that we are busy peddling through life, but really it's God pushing our bike from behind, He is taking us through this "World's Carnival", and though we should keep peddling, we should just smile and enjoy!
Always remember one thing, your parents love you no matter what. Doesn't matter sometimes we scold you, but you must confide in us. We are the only ones in the world who truly care about what's best for you. Know that you can take us for granted, you can be with us, this will always be your home no matter how far you may go in the world or how long you are away. Family is always family, others come and go. I am always there for you my dearest one!
With love,
Your Mama
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